kuno vs the foul sorcerors
by Defectron
Summary: Kuno finnally meets some opponents as delusional as he is when the trio from Buffy the vampire slayer come to nerima. Also starting at Ch. 7 it crosses over with FLCL too.
1. Default Chapter

Kuno vs the foul sorcerors  
  
  
Disclaimer: Ranma1/2 and Buffy the vampire slayer are copyright to Rumiko Takahashi and Joss   
whedon. I'm just a pathetic littlewaith who got hit by a truck a few weeks ago! Don't sue me!   
If you do I may completely crumble into a disgusting mess on the floor and that would just be  
bad for everyone.  
  
Authors notes: This is a crossover between Buffy and Ranma but involving secondary characters.  
The only Buffy characters to appear in this fic will be the trio who I thought would make  
hilarious adversaries for Kuno because their idiocy and delusions of grandeur easly rival his  
own. This is an alternate universe taking place after season five. This universe also takes   
place two years after the end of the Ranma manga. For reasons that I will explain in the story  
the trio have fled to Japan. What is the object the trio stole from the secret base? You'll  
just have to wait and find out. Also I know these three came from the US but I figured since  
they were such big nerds they probably learned Japanese and a bizzilion other languages which  
is a useful plot divice for not bothering with language barriers. Afterall Johnathan knew   
babylonian and Klingon so why not?  
  
One year ago after several failed weddings, Ranma and Akane had done something no one had  
thought they would do.They eloped and left Nerima. No one except Nabiki really knew the   
details of the situation. Soun had burst out crying like the baby he is. Shampoo and the other  
Amazons left Nerima as well, since Ranma was gone there was no more reason for them to stay.   
Ukyo however did stay. As upset as she was, she couldn't just leave her restruant. Ryoga would  
wander through Nerima occasionally. He had settled his differences with Ranma before the   
marriage and was happy with Akari. But no one had taken the news quite as badly as a certain  
kendoist.  
  
"Lies! I Tatewaki kuno shall never accept this...this travesty of justice!" Ever since  
he was a child Kuno had lived in his own little world. Kunos reality was like the one of   
everyone else in some ways but in others it was very different. Kuno believed dark  
sorcerors and demons lurked around every corner waiting to spread chaos througout human world.  
He also believed himself to be a warrior with no equal that no woman could help but fall for.  
It all started when he was a child. Kuno had always believed the study of literature and kendo  
was the road to a healthy life. So he would study all the big thick hard back backs he could   
find. The only problem is that he had trouble distinguishing fact from fiction. In fact he  
belived that every great work of literature was indeed fact. Anyone who tried to tell him   
otherwise would find their face connected with the wrong end of a bokken. Kuno always believed   
himself to be right. Even when the facts said otherwise he would somehow work them around in  
his mind so that he was still right. A quark of his that would cause a certain pigtailed   
boy/girl much trouble in the future. Then one day at the age of eight kuno purchased the Lord   
of the Rings Trilogy. This is the day when everything changed for him.  
  
The present  
  
"I Tatewaki Kuno refuse to believe it! No doubt the fiend used dark magic to steal her   
away!" Kuno slashed at a dummy in front of him with his bokken cutting it in half. Sasuke   
decided it would be best to leave his master alone and left. He was just glad   
that Kunos father had taken Kodachi with him on his second trip to Hawaii. He shuddered to   
think how she would react.  
  
Whether Akane had had left with Ranma of her own free will or had been spirited away by   
sorcery the fact remained that she was gone and even kuno could not help but admit he had lost.  
"I should not have been so leaneant on the svengali. My carelessness has cost me both my   
tigress and my pigtailed godess." Kuno turned to the sun which happened to be in noon   
position and said "I Tatewaki kuno hearby swear to the setting sun that never again shall I  
allow any foul sorceror to meet me and come away unscathed. Even if Sauron himself dares to  
challenge me I shall smite him with the blade of the heavens!"  
  
1 month later  
  
A loud crash could be heard as a brick wall shattered. A dog ran across the street barking  
in terror. "Saotome! Coward!Prepare yourself for my righteous fury!" Kuno jumped over a moving  
car and cornered the dog. "So we meet again at last heathen! I shall consider sparing your   
worthless hide if you give me back my loves!" The dog barked.  
  
BANG! "What the hell are you doing to that poor dog?". Ukyo had just slammed her spatula   
over his head.  
  
"Heh! It may seem a dog to those untrained in spotting those versed in the dark arts but  
my vigilance can easily see  
  
through such guises! That dog is none other then the foul sorceror saotome! He's an animagist!"  
"Oh really? Kuno leave the poor dog alone and come with me to my restruant. I want to  
talk with you about something."  
  
"Right after I punish this villain!" Bam! Ukyo hit him over the head again and dragged   
him back to ucchans.  
  
Later  
  
"Kuno. I never liked you much but even I'm getting a little worried. Lately you've been   
acting really strange. I think you need help. I was really upset with what happened with Ran   
chan and Akane but I think it really unhinged your sanity. I mean you were always kind of   
strange but you never used to accuse dogs of being Ran chan."  
  
"Saotome is a lowly dog so it makes sense that he would disguise himself as one. He is a  
dark sorceror, no doubt trying to revive one of his dead masters using fair akane as a   
sacrifice."  
  
Ukyo gave him a worried look and hesitantly said "His dead master?"  
  
"Yes. I hadn't believed it possible but recently I have come to suspect the dark lord may  
yet rise again. Up until recently I had believed the age of magic had ended long ago. But then  
that svengali came. He may not have been as powerful as the sorcerors of old but his powers   
have been growing. When we first battled his speed was unnatural. No doubt enhanced by a spell   
of some sort."  
  
"If you haven't been paying attention all the martial artists around Nerima are unnaturaly  
fast including you. I heard you shattered a rock from a distance with your bokken."  
  
"Heh! But of course. Such a feat of streingth is a mere trifle for one such as myself.   
However no ordinary man could best me in combat. Which is why he is a sorceror!"  
  
It was like trying to talk to a tree. "Don't you think there's even a small possibility   
that there could be more then one person with speed like yours?"  
  
"Nay. There can only be one!"  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
Kuno hadn't actually thought of that. He took on a quisical look on his face then looked  
like he was trying really hard to think of an answer. "That's always how things are when it   
comes to great swordsmen!"  
  
"But Ran chan never used a sword!"  
  
"It doesn't matter! There can only be one!" Kunos word was law and even reality would   
bend to his will, at least in his mind anyway.  
  
"Look I'm pretty fast myself! Am I sorceror?"  
  
"The rule doesn't apply to you. You are a woman and you use a spatula not a sword."  
  
Ukyo slammed her head on the table groaning in exasperation. "I didn't think even you  
could be this dense!"  
  
"Think about it you infernal woman! More recently he has used ever more powerful magical   
attacks! I remember as clear as if it was yesterday he used a powerful wind spell to defeat me   
in battle two years ago! Then I witnessed an even more powerful attack again when he fired a   
beam of light from the palm of his hand. And what about how he can switch places with the   
pigtailed goddess? How do you explain that wench? HMMMMMMMMMM?" Kuno had his face up against  
hers. There was a certain crazed look in his eyes that wasn't there before Ranma and Akane left.  
  
"I give up! You win! Just back up and give me some space!"  
  
"Feh! But of course! Pointing out what is blatantly obvious to those as unobservant as   
yourself is the duty of every true samurai! You may properly thank anytime which reminds me..."  
  
"Kuno... there's a shape shifting trickster in my store sign. Could you go beat it up?"  
  
"What! By the gods! Why didn't you say so earlier woman? I shall smite thee!" Kuno   
crashed through the glass window causing ukyo to shudder. Tsubasa screamed as kuno chased him   
away waving his bokken like a crazed mad man shouting "Hault fiend!". Ukyo couldn't help but  
feel a little sorry for him though. He had lost the one thing he was building his fantasy   
world around and now it had all come crashing down around him. Ukyo glanced down at a tabloid   
one of her customers left that had a picture of a man in a demon costume robbing a bank.  
  
It had a big flashy title that said "Hell needs money! Demon robs 1st Nerima bank!"   
  
"I'm glad Kuno didn't see this." She crumpled it up and tossed it in the garbage.  
  
Elsewhere  
  
Three pathetic looking teenagers sat in the back of a black van. The vans walls were lined  
with advanced computer and surveilance equipment. The three teenagers were Johnathan, Warren   
and Andrew. All three of them were outcasts in high school. However they were talented outcasts.  
Johnathan was a pudgy short guy with brown hair. His talent was reality manipulating spells.  
Warren was a skinnier, taller guy who had little experience in magic but was a scientific genius  
in areas ranging from robotics to physics. Andrew had red hair, he specialized in summoning   
spells and could summon a variety of demons. They origenally lived in Sunnydale California. One  
day on the same sort of whim ordinary people would decide to go to a movie they had decided to  
conquor Sunnydale and later maybe even America or the world. Their first scheme was around   
something that Warren had discovered when hacking some government files. They had succeeded in  
stealing it from a secret government base in Nevada. It hadn't been an easy Job. Johnathan had  
cast a spell that caused an earthquake while Andrew summoned as many demons as he could in the  
area. While the soldiers guarding the base were distracted they had gone in armed with a   
prototype freeze ray as well as several conventional weapons. They had found what they were   
looking for and even managed to steal it. But it didn't take long for the governement to catch  
up with them. They had to flee. First they went to Mexico and then stole wayed on a ship going  
out to Japan.  
  
"I can't believe we made it here! Your sure we aren't being tailed? I don't want to go to  
the big house, that place changes a guy!" said Johnathan.  
  
"Are we there yet? I have to go to the bathroom." whined Andrew in a very whiney voice.  
  
"Shut up you two! Were almost back. Remember, there's no slayer here, and big brother   
won't be expecting us to hide in a place like this. Once we get things secured this town will   
be as good as ours." Warren pulled out a little remote and opened the door to a large car   
garage they bought with their new money and were currently using as a base of operations.  
  
The place was littered with all sorts of gizmos as well as magical books and objects.   
On the left side of the room was a black boared that had the words goals written on it. Under  
long term goals were "1.Get control of secret weapon 2.conquor Nerima,3.conquor Japan,   
4.Invade California and make Buffy our slave. 5. conquor America and then the world muahahaha!"  
  
Suddenly there was a loud bang on the door. "Oh no! It's the man! I know it is!"   
Johnathan started to get ready to cast a spell to change his form.  
  
Warren looked through a little hole he drilled in the door. "It's ok. It's our freind."   
They opened the door and a seven foot tall reptillian humanoid came in. He tossed a large bag  
full of yen on the ground."  
  
"Here's your money. Now I want my end of the deal!" Andrew had summoned the demon but  
none of them had talked with it about what it wanted.  
  
"Uhhh...ok. So what do you want?"  
  
"The slayers head!"  
  
"Uhhh... just a moment!" the three of them huddled in a corner.  
  
"We can't kill the slayer! She's back in California!" said Warren.  
  
"Yeah besides I don't want to kill Buffy. She saved me one time.  
"  
"He's going to kill us if we don't do something!"  
  
"Leave this to me!" Warren wrote down Buffys addresse and handed it to the demon.   
"Here's Buffys addresse. You can go kill her yourself!"  
  
The demon looked at him for a moment and said "Do I look stupid to you?"  
  
"Uhhh... well I try not to judge people by appearances." The demon decked Warren.  
  
"Listen. I may not be native to this dimension but I've been summoned to this world   
enough times to be familiar with its geography. California is not in Japan!"  
  
"What do you espect us to do?"  
  
"Oh?!? You claim to weild such great power. Why don't you just kill her with a spell or  
press a button and blow her up from a distance."  
  
"Well.... maybe if you give us a few months...."  
  
"Do it now or die!"  
  
It was at this moment a man wearing a kendo outfit ran by the place chasing a restruant  
sign. He looked in the open door and saw the demon. "You there! Spawn of hell I shall send you  
back whenst you came!"  
  
"What?" The demon turned around glaring at him. "What pathetic human dares insult me?"  
  
"Ahhh.... Is it not the custom for one to introduce himself first? Very well then! I am   
Tatewaki Kuno, often times called the blue thunder of Furinken high." thunder and lightning   
crashed in the background. Of course Kuno had graduated from Furinken by  
now but still called himself blue thunder of furinken high.  
  
"Wow! He's so cool!" Andrew said in awe.  
  
"An allie to the forces of good and a nightmare to creatures of darkness like yourself!"  
  
"You talk big you puny little man! What good do you think that stick will do against me?"  
The demon swiped at him but he blocked his blow and struck him in the gut. The demon keeled over.  
"I didn't think any human besides the slayer had that kind of power! Just who are you?"  
  
"Hahaha! As I have said on numerous occasions I am the blue thunder of Furinken high!"  
  
"I won't lose to a filthy human!" the demon ran at him but kuno slashed down on him. The   
thick armor covering his body cracked under the blow and he began to fall foreward. As thick   
as his hide was he was still nowhere as good as the likes of Ranma at taking blows. Before the  
demon hit the ground Kuno did his infamous water melon cutter attack aiming for the softer   
skin under its chin beheading the demon.   
  
" Me thinks there is more to this then meets the eye. No doubt this demon was summoned   
by a foul sorceror!"  
  
The trio was close enough to hear what he said. "How? How did he know?" Warren whispered  
under his breath.  
  
"He's a Jedi master! We should have stayed in sunnydale!" said Andrew.  
  
"No he's a wudan master! He'd have a lightsabre if he was jedi!" said Johnathan.  
  
"He's a jedi!"  
  
"He's a wudan!"  
  
"Jedi!"  
  
"Wudan!"  
  
"Jedi!"  
  
"Wudan!"  
  
"Shut up! He's a jedi wudan master ok!"  
  
"What are you three talking about?"  
  
"Oh....uhhhh we were just admiring how you took down that demon! It's always a pleasure  
to meet a Jedi Wudan master!"  
  
Kuno didn't know what a jedi or a wudan was since he had never watched many movies aside  
from samurai dramas, but he was a master of many things so surely he must have mastered both of  
those somewhere along the way. "Feh! Deafeating one so vile as that is nothing for the blue   
thunder of Furinken high!" Kuno looked inside the garage. "What's in there?"  
  
"Oh that? Were uhhhh...." Warren struggled for a lie.  
  
"Were building a life sized replica of the melennium falcon!" said Andrew.  
  
"Melennium Falcon? I have not heard of such a thing. Surely something with such a   
majestic name is worthy of my collection. I would be interested in purchasing it from you when   
you are done. But right now I must go, for even as I speak I sense that evil is afoot! I must   
go on a quest to seek out the one who summoned that demon! I sense he is nearby watching my  
every move even as I speak!" a few sweat drops appeared on the backs of the heads of the   
three nerds. Kuno ran across the street and in a single bound he jumped onto the rooftop of a  
nearby building and sprinted away from rooftop to rooftop.  
  
"This could be a problem. A jedi wudan master could be an even greater threat to our plans  
then the slayer." said Warren thoughtfully putting his hand to his chin. "How do you kill a   
jedi wadun master?"  
  
"I don't think we should kill him. I mean Lex Luthor never killed superman right?" Andrew  
said.  
  
"Not this debate again! Ok we won't kill him for now. First lets test out his abilitys!"  
  
"He said he has a collection! I wonder if he has an X-wing fighter? Maybe we should like  
go raid his house or something?" said Andrew dreamily.  
  
"Are you crazy? We can't just go raid the house of a Jedi Wudan master?"  
  
"You said the same thing about the government base we raided!"  
  
"Yeah and look where it got us! Besides this is differen't, we don't have half the   
mitoclorians it takes to defeat him!"  
  
"Maybe, but our surpurior intelligence will give us the edge we need in the coming battle"  
said Warren. "I'll get to work on designing a rapid firing blow gun just like the one Jade Fox  
used on Lemu Bai right away! Now I wonder how I could make that poison she tipped the darts   
with?"  
  
"Yeah but remember! No killing! Lex Luthor never killed superman!" So much for surpurior  
intelligence. 


	2. The madness of Tatewaki Kuno

Kuno Vs the foul sorcerors  
Part 2: The madness of Tatewaki Kuno  
  
  
"Yes! Twas truly a splended victory! Sasuke did I mention how I beheaded the foul demon  
with one fallow stroke?"  
  
"Only a million times master." Sasuke had the sinking feeling some poor kid out there   
found their dog decapitated and was now scarred for life.  
  
"Why yes! I just remembered those tacht makers offered me a new vessel in their gratitude  
for ridding them of the foul demon. I must ask them about that soon, for I wish to take an   
ocean cruise with....." Kuno had just dropped his bokken. "Saotome! I had nearly forgotten how  
you had spirited away both my loves! Fear not! Your prince shall save you!" Kuno bounded out   
the door. He had no idea where Ranma and Akane had moved too and hadn't thought to try and   
look them up in a phone book. So usually he'd just go out and look for them in random places.  
  
"What's he doing?" asked Andrew looking dumbstruck at the screen inside the van.   
Kuno was digging through a dumpster.  
  
"Probably garbage picking. You can find all sorts of useful things in the trash. The   
other day I found some sailor moon pantys." said Warren.  
  
"I want to see! Show me them!" said Johnathan and Andrew tugging at his arms.  
  
"Their mine! Get your own!"  
  
"Saotome!" on the veiw screen a little black pig with a bandanna could be seen running   
away from a furious Kuno.  
  
Kuno had often seen this pig with akane and Ranma. No doubt it was his familiar sent to  
spy on him. "Hault ham of evil!" The little black pig only ran faster as he swipt at it. The  
pig ran through a hole in a fence. No mere fence would stop the blue thunder of Furinken high.  
With one blow of his bokken he shattered the wooden planks.  
  
"That was awsome!" Andrew and Johnathan were looking at the screen like a couple of   
idiots with their mouths hanging open.  
  
Warren had snuck out to investigate what Kuno was chasing. Kuno was tearing around a junk  
yard looking for the little black pig, hacking apart old cars and refrigerators. The old man   
who owned the junk yard came out to stop him. Kuno began to explain to the dumbfounded old man  
about how the familiar of his nemises was hiding in the junk yard. "Get out or I'll call the  
cops!"  
  
"But it's all in the name of love! I need to find that pig!"  
  
"OUT!"  
  
"Why didn't he use a jedi mind trick on the old man? Must have realised he was being watch  
ed and didn't want to give himself away. He's a clever one. Can't let our guard down around   
him." Warren thought to himself. He had found what he was looking for and put his sack over   
the little black pig. The pig kicked and squeeled in the bag. It was so strong he felt like he   
almost broke a rib when it kicked him.  
  
The back door to the van opened "Can you guys give me a little help here? I don't think   
-oof! I can hold it much long" The three nerds struggled with the pig and lowered it into a   
cooler they had used earlier to hold mountain dew bottles. They quickly shut the lid   
and locked it. "Johnathan sit on that box!"  
  
"Why do I have to sit on it?"  
  
"Your heaviest!" the pig inside was struggling with such force the cooler was bouncing   
all over.  
  
later  
  
The box was sitting in the corner wrapped in chains. "I wonder what he wanted with that  
pig?"  
  
"We'll find out later. Right now we have to test him."  
  
"Right!" Andrew pulled out a wooden flute and began to blow a series of notes into it.  
  
Kuno had searched all over but there was still no sign of Saotome. He had begun to search  
the park but as usual there was no Ranma there. He must have moved really far away. Well it  
didn't matter,even if he had to go through all of Japan with a thine toothed comb he would   
find him eventualy. Suddenly Kuno was brought out of his musings. He felt a chill run down his  
spine. He was being watched by something and it wasn't human. "Show yourself fiend!" He   
slashed the trunk of a large tree with his bokken. As the huge oak began to topple a dark shape  
with two red eyes and horns leapt from the branches. The demon landed not to far  
away and extended blades from its fore arms. If another demon had revealed itself to him it   
meant he must be getting closer to his goal. "So you show yourself at last. Take me to your   
master and I promise a quick death wicked spawn of the night!"  
  
This demon was less articulate then the last one he fought and just growled in response.   
Two blades came out of its fore arms and it charged him. This one was stronger and much faster  
then the last one too. Kuno was having trouble blocking some of its strikes. However none of  
them seemed to be getting through his defenses either. The demon seemed to notice this and  
jumped back about ten feet. "So do you admit defeat?" The demon responded by hurling a large  
boulder aimed at his head. Kuno brough his bokken up just in time to block it breaking the   
huge rock in half. But the demon was smarter then it looked and used that distraction  
to its advantage. It head butted Kuno sending him flying over a hill.  
  
Mr. Nakasawa just happened to be out walking his dog when a slightly battered looking   
kendoist landed at his feet. The dog barked "You! This is your doing!" Kuno said looking at  
the dog. Mr. Nakasawa was about to say something but stopped when he saw the demon come   
bounding over the hill carrying the tree trunk of the fallen oak. It began swinging the trunk   
at kuno who parried each blow with his bokken. He chopped the tree in half. The demon smacked  
him in the face with one half of the tree. Kuno got up with blood dripping from his nose.  
With tears in his eyes he said "You may have broken my nose but one such as you shall never  
break my pride! For Akane Tendo and the pig tailed girl, I smite thee!" Kunos motions went  
into a blure as he struck at the demon multiple times with his bokken. It staggered back after  
being hit several hundred times with a force like that of a bullet fire from a gun.  
The demons face had taken the most hits and it looked like its skull had caved in from  
the force. It fell over dead, the body then burst into flames and dissapeared.  
  
"Aww man! That was one of my best demons too! I knew I should have summoned a dragon!"  
  
"Wow! It took him seven minutes to take down that demon. It managed to do pretty good   
considering he's a jedi wudan master.But it looks like I'm up next!" Warren took out a little  
metal box from his back pack.  
  
Ukyo and Nabiki were walking down the street just outside the park.  
"So you say Kuno baby is going crazy? Never seemed all that sane to me to begin with."  
  
"Yeah. He thought Ran-chan was a dog."  
  
"Hmmmm.... That does seem a bit much even for him."  
  
"Your one of his only friends. So I was wondering if you could try to talk some sense   
into him before someone gets hurt.If he causes trouble in the wrong place he could get thrown   
in a mental instutution or worse."  
  
"All right. Normally I'd ask for a fee but considering he's one of my biggest sources of   
money I won't bother doing that. I'll try to talk to him."  
  
"Ahhh... Nabiki Tendo and Ukyo Kuonji! What brings you out here today?"  
  
"Kuno?" they both said looking at him. He looked like he had just been hit by a truck or  
possibly Akane. But considering she was living on one of the other Japanese Islands now a   
truck was more likely. "What happened to your face?"  
  
"Another demon! Yes this one was far stronger then the last. I can feel it in my bones!   
I'm getting closer to the one whome I seek!"  
  
"Kuno baby. We've got to talk. Why do you think that demons are out to get you?"  
  
"Well of course, it's completely obvious why! I'm getting closer to Akane Tendo and the   
pig tailed goddess. Saotome knows this and is sending his minions out to try to stop me   
because he's to cowardly to act on his own."  
  
Ukyo looked like she was about to pop a vain. "You idiot! Ran chan is..."  
  
"Leave this to me. It's partially my fault he's like this. Kuno baby we need to talk   
about some things."  
  
"No time for idle chatter! My destiny awaits!" Kuno ran down a a nearby alley. Neither  
Nabiki nor Ukyo noticed but a strange flying metallic cube followed him into the alley. A   
moment later there was a tremendously loud bang. The two girls rushed to see what had happened.  
Kuno had impacted on the brick wall of one of the buildings and was smoldering. He fell from  
the crator and said "Shaotome...such tricks won't work on me...unnggghh!" he fell into   
unconciouisness.  
  
  
"No way! He got hit with a point blank blast as powerful as two grenades and all that   
happened is he got a little scuffed up!"Warren said in awe. But the video screen didn't lie.   
Kuno looked pretty battered but a regular man would have looked like an oversized  
beef patty after that.  
  
Nabiki had yet to comprehend how Kuno had managed to run into a brick wall that he wasn't  
even running towards, and had impacted on it so hard to raise so much dust it seemed he was   
smoking. "Kuno baby as I was saying we have to talk." Nabiki splashed him in the face. He was   
in restruant where she always sold him racy photos of the pig tailed girl.  
  
Like a fire cracker being lit the formerly comatose Kuno stood up and shouted "The fiend!  
Attacking from a distance with such petty magic tricks!"  
  
"Kuno! Sit down I want to explain something to you."  
  
"Yes? What is it Nabiki Tendo? More photos?"  
  
"Well actually I do have some you might be interested in but before business I'd like to   
explain a few things. When you and Ranma first met I said that they had the same body and soul.  
What I meant is theyre the same person. I said it ambiguously like that because I had a hunch   
it could be prophetible.You see Ranma is cursed to change into a girl. He isn't using magic!  
The magic is using him!"  
  
"What proof do you have of this claim?"  
  
"What proof do you have he's using sorcery?"  
  
"The judgement of Kuno is far better then hard evidence!" Nabiki was begining to realise  
this could be more difficult then she had suspected.  
  
"I think your subconciously making yourself believe these wild scenerios because you can't  
come terms with the fact that you lost and you can't deal with that. I'm going to be blunt  
when I say you have a god complex. You don't believe you can make mistakes and you always think  
your right."  
  
"I don't think I am right. I know so!"  
  
"I see. I have a theory. When you first met Ranma you were beaten very badly. And you  
continued to be beaten very badly in all of your future encounters with him."  
  
"Sorcery!"  
  
"Let me finish before you start ranting."  
  
"In addition to that you made a number of advances on the pig tailed girl. A boy   
unknowingly hitting on a girl who is actually a guy is a very big mistake and an embarrssing one  
at that. To continualy do so would be considered blind stupidity by most people. Could it be   
that the real reason that your inventing these wild fantasys is because you can't admit to  
yourself that you can make mistakes like other people?"  
  
"Silence woman! Tatewaki Blue Thunder Kuno does not do such embarrassing things as that!"  
  
"How do you know? Can you really trust yourself to always be honest to yourself?"  
  
"Of course! Tatewaki Kuno is the most powerful trustworthy man alive! If he can't even  
be honest to himself then it would mean my life is a hollow lie! And I tatewaki Kuno shall  
never believe such a thing! Ordinary people may go about their lives in ordinary ways but   
some people are destined for greater things. I have always known since I was a child that I would  
grow to be one of the heros of legend like King Arthor and Robin hood. Liberating the common folk  
of Tryranny. Both powerful yet wise! I Tatewaki Kuno could never lead such a life as the one you  
discribed! And now I must go!"  
  
"Kuno wait!"  
  
"Nabiki Tendo! Psychology is nothing before me! Do not speak of this to me again!" Kuno  
bolted from the restruant. Nabiki couldn't believe how dense he was. She'd have to work  
harder to try to get to him.  
  
"Miss. Here's your bill!"  
  
"Oh crap! I was going to have him pay...."  
  
  
"Well Johnathan. It looks like your the only one left. Lets see if you can do any better  
then we did."  
  
"I have just the spell for the job. It's a combination of two spells really. I got the idea  
for it from an episode of Freakazoid." Johnathan got out some magic materials including a weird   
bone.  
  
Kuno arrived home to be greeted by Sasuke. "Master you look awful!What happened?"  
  
"I was attacked by another demon and a magic exploding bird!"  
  
"Oh master...." Sasuke said. What that translated to was "Oh no! He's finnally gone off  
the deep end!"  
  
"Sasuke! After such a hard days work I wish to take a bath. Prepare one at once!"  
  
"Yes of course master!"  
  
A little later Kuno sat in his elegant looking bathtub which was more like a jacuzzi. He  
reached for the soap but it wasn't there. "Hmmmm... how odd." Kuno got out and looked around  
for it. He found the soap in the corner on the other side of the bathroom. He picked it up  
and got back into the tub. He began to rub himself with the soap but something was wrong. It  
felt rough and no suds were coming off it. He looked at the soap bar and discovered it wasn't  
soap but a block of wood. He tossed it over his shoalder and reached for another bar. But it  
vanished and reapeared on the other side of the room. Kuno inspected it, it had turned to wood  
as well! He tried grabbing every single piece of soap and shampoo. But each time he reached out   
to take it, it was gone because it turned to wood! "SAOTOME!"  
  
Sasuke shuddered as he heard his masters cry. He ran to the bathroom and saw Kuno getting   
out of the tub with an angry look on his face. "Saotome show yourself! Only the lowest of the low  
would dare to defile the sacred grounds of the kuno family bathroom! I Tatewaki Kuno swear to  
the setting sun that you shall be punished!"  
  
"But master it's night out! There is no setting sun!"  
  
Kuno reached for his bokken but it was gone. A horrified look came to his face "No! Saotome!  
Not even he would go as far as to defile a man weapon!" Kuno bolted to the other side of the  
bathroom and let loose a howl of fury.  
  
"W-what is it master?!?"  
  
Kuno turned to Sasuke, tears were streaming down his face. "I shall not forgive this! Look!"  
  
"Why it's your bokken!"  
  
"Look what that dog Saotome did to it! He turned it to wood!"  
  
Tears came to Sasukes eyes. "Master! You've gone mad!" 


	3. Johnathans undercover mission

Kuno Vs the foul sorcerors  
Ep 3: Johnathans undercover mission  
  
  
Somehow Nabiki had managed to talk Kuno into meeting with her at their usual meeting   
place every weekend so she could try to give him something like psycho therapy since he absolutly  
refused to see any doctors. Well actually she bribed him into doing it by offering him naughty  
photos with a discount price. "Well those are some very interesting storys Kuno baby. But unless  
you have some proof I'm not convinced and no one else will be either."  
  
"Heh! I thought you might say something like that. The word of kuno is worth all the proof  
in the world but in such a cynical day as this, even I must sometimes require evidence I   
suppose. Now behold the vile treachery the sorceror has wrought!" Kuno placed his bokken on the  
table.  
  
"It's your bokken..."  
  
"Nay! It was my bokken! But the fiend hath attacked where I least suspected! He turned it  
to wood!"  
  
"Kuno baby....Your bokken always was wood."  
  
"Before the trickster struck it was oak but now it is maple! Can you not see? Oak is   
infinitely better then maple for making bokkens. I Tatewaki Kuno would never purchase a bokken   
made from maple!"  
  
Nabiki sweat dropped "I see..." Nabiki thought of mentioning the Gaijin who had been   
asking about him earlier but thought better of it. If she told him he might turn that into   
another element of his fantasy world. All Kuno needed was to be thinking that American secret   
agents were after him.  
  
Outside the restruant the trio was spying on Kuno from a hidden camera. "I wonder what   
their talking about?" asked Andrew.  
  
"Well that's what our next mission is to find out. Isn't that right Johnathan."   
Johnathan looked a bit uneasy. He knew this mission would be coming and was trying to drown his   
sorrows in sailor moon reruns and Gundam model kits.  
  
"I've got to say. I'm really not going for this. I mean we hardly know anything about her  
except what we heard. He's a Jedi wudan, he'll see through my disguise for sure!"  
  
"But if you get inside we can get his X-wing!"  
  
"We don't know he has a life sized X-wing replica! It could be a tie fighter for all we   
know. I don't like tie fighters. And how am I going to steal it? Carry it out?"  
  
"We can worry about trying to steal his tie fighter later. Right now we need to find out  
his weaknesses. In the tests we managed to find out alot of his streingths but the only  
weakness we revealed was that he seems to be protective of that wooden sword of his."  
  
"It's called a bokken. It's the weapon used by Suzuka in outlaw star." said Andrew who   
just happened to be looking at an outlaw star doujinshi that featured Suzuka doing something  
very strange with her bokken.  
  
"In any case Johnathans the man or woman of the hour as the case may be. Time to get   
changed Johnathan." said Warren  
  
"Oh all right. But I've got a bad feeling about this." In the past week Warren, Johnathan  
and Andrew had gone out and asked Kunos old class mates about him. They had found out that he   
had fallen for two women. Ironicaly both the women he had fallen for had apparently eloped. This  
had caused all three nerds to get serious nose bleeds from all the dirty thoughts of lesbian sex  
running around in their heads. They even managed to buy a picture of one of his old flames off a  
girl named Nabiki for a rather high price. They also heard of someone named Ranma who   
had supposedly bested Kuno in combat on many occasions. That would also be something to look into  
but it could wait for another time.  
  
Johnathan came out of the bathroom in his new disguise. He was the spitting image of the   
pig tailed girl. He even wore a sexy red dress with the disguise body. "So uhh...Johnathan...  
what does it feel like to be a girl? Can I touch your boobs?"  
  
"No! No! No touching! I think I should go do the mission bye!" Johnathan bolted out the  
door.  
  
"Aww... I wanted to touch Johnathans boobs!"  
  
"Andrew that sounded so wrong!"  
  
Johnathan had changed into different forms on many occasions. Sometimes he would secretly  
experiment with changing into female forms for his own purposes but this was the first time he   
did it openly. "Ok...I'm a woman. I've got to walk like one and think like one or my cover will  
be blown. Let's see here what do women think about? Lacy things, perfume....oh crap! I can't   
think! My mind is freezing up! Ok remain calm, find a bathroom, no bad idea. I'll be too tempted  
to do weird things with myself."  
  
Johnathans internal monologue was cut short however when a certain jedi wudan master  
interupted it. "Pig tailed girl!" Kuno crushed Johnathan in an embrace like none other he had   
felt in the past. He felt like he was going to die. Johnathan promptly passed   
out. "Pig tailed girl! Pig tailed girl! Why are you asleep? It would seem the sorcerors charms   
have taken their toll on her. But you are free now! He will never hurt you again!" Kuno bounded   
off with Johnathan in his arms.  
  
"Where am I?" Johnathan thought to himself. He was lying on something soft.  
  
"And now she awakes with a kiss!"  
  
Johnathan felt something welt on his mouth. He was being kissed! "ARRRRRGGGHH!".   
Johnathan backed away from Kuno.  
  
"Ahh! My pig tailed goddess awakens!"  
  
"Pig tailed goddess? Oh god! I've been kissed by him!" Johnathan felt like he was about  
to throw up.  
  
"Ahh indeed. I do not blame you for being overwhelmed. No woman could kiss me without  
feeling that way."  
  
The communicator in Johnathans ear was full of laughter. "That's it I'm washing my mouth  
and getting out of here!"  
  
"No! No! Your doing great! Besides if you leave now were going to hide your X-men comics  
in a place you won't find them!"  
  
"You wouldn't!" johnathan said out loud not realising that Kuno had been ranting about  
things that he wasn't paying attention to.  
  
"Ahh! But I would my pigtailed goddess! After my defeat of the first demon I was offered  
a new cruiser. What do you say to an ocean voyage next weekend?"  
  
"Uhhhh...I'd love to...." Sasuke opened the door and took one look at the fake Ranma. He  
was so shocked he tripped over his own foot. He got up off the floor looking angry.  
  
"What the hell are you doing here? Do you have any idea of the masters condition? your  
being here will only..." BAM! Kuno smacked him over the head.  
  
"Sasuke! Don't be rude to the pigtailed girl!"  
  
"B-but! Master!"  
  
"Out of my site! My pig tailed goddess has gone through many hardships at the hands of  
the sorceror Saotome!"  
  
Sasuke reluctantly left. He went down the hall and picked up a telephone book. He looked  
up Ranmas phone number and called. Akane answered the phone "Hello?"  
  
"Akane? This is Sasuke! This is an outrage! What does your husband think he's doing  
playing with my masters feelings like this? He has a condition you know!"  
  
"Ranma left this morning to go pick something up. What's he doing with Kuno?"  
  
Sasuke explained the situation. "I would really appreciate it if you would keep your   
husband from coming back here. I shudder to think how the master will react to this!"  
  
"I see..." Akane said with barely controlled anger. The plastic phone was crushed in her  
tight grip.  
  
"Umm hello? Hello!"  
  
Back in the other room  
  
"Pig tailed girl. I know it must be hard. But I want to know. What did Saotome do to you?  
I must know for Akane is still in his clutches!"  
  
Johnathan had no idea what Kuno was talking about. On the other end of the bug Warren and  
Andrew were taking notes on everything he was saying. All Johnathan had to do was make a   
convincing performance. He had to think quickly, apparantly this Ranma was a very powerful evil  
sorceror if he could rival the power of a jedi wudan master. He had enslaved his two girl  
freinds. Of course, he would just tell Kuno the summary of the hentai episodes he watched last   
night! Afterall if he was a powerful woman enslaving evil sorceror that's the sort of thing he   
would do. Ranma was probably the same. "Well it's still hard for me to talk about. You see he had  
this beast with tentacles...."  
  
Half an hour of lies later  
  
"Oh pig tailed girl say no more!" Tears were streaming down Kunos face. "The fiend may   
have deflowered you but I shall always accept you no matter what happens! It wasn't your fault!  
Tonight we shall make love so passionate as the gods of old! And your memorys of the evils he  
wrought will be no more!"  
  
Johnathan didn't know what to do, he thought to himself "Oh man! Oh man! Game over!   
I'm going to be raped by a guy! I've got to get out of here! A diversion! That's it I need a   
diversion! An illusion spell!"  
  
"Uhhh... Kuno darling...I think I should go freshen up in the bathroom before we do that."  
  
Kuno stifled a nose bleed. "Very well my lovely goddess!"  
  
"Why did kuno always call her that? Was there some hidden meaning?" but Johnathan had no  
time to dwell on that. He had to work his diversion.  
  
Kuno sat on the cusions of his couch waiting in anticipation.Suddenly he heard a scream   
coming from outside. "Pigtailed girl! No!"  
  
The pigtailed girl was clutched in the claws of a huge winged dragon. Riding on top of   
the dragons head was darth maul and Ranma who sported the robes of a sith lord. "I'm taking   
back your precious goddess Kuno! You'll never see her again!"  
  
"You fiend!How dare you show your cowardly face here!"  
  
"Huhahaha!" laughed the evil Ranma hallucination as it rose higher into the sky atop the  
winged dragon.  
  
"Kuno! I'll always love you! I'll never forget your kindness! If only we could have   
stayed together a bit longer!" the pig tailed girl illusion fainted.  
  
"Nooooooo! I won't let you take her!" Kuno summoned all his streingth into a single   
strike. He slashed, there was a clap of thunder and a blinding light. The illusion vanished as   
several trees behind it were anihalated by whatever Kuno had done. There was no mistaking it.   
That was the phoenix wave attack he had been struggling to master for the past few years. But in  
the end it hadn't done him any good. Ranma had stolen away his pigtailed goddess again! Kuno sat  
on the lawn with tears streaming down his face looking up into the sky for the next ten minutes.  
After that got up with renewed determination. He went to one of the storage rooms where he had  
his remaining oak bokkens blessed with holy water. He would see Ranma pay in full for what he had  
done!  
  
Else where  
  
"Hey Akane! I'm back!" BAM! "Hey what did I do this time?"  
  
Back at the nerd hide out.  
  
"Well I'm not so sure how useful this information will be. But we'll find out soon enough."  
Warren said as he tinkered with a robot on his lab table . "At the very least we have a pretty   
good scape goat to blame this on."  
  
"You didn't find out about the X-wing!"  
  
"I was afraid he was going to rape me. If you were in my situation you would have forgot  
about it too. I can't believe I got my first kiss from a guy!" Johnathan got out a bottle of  
mouth wash.  
  
Nabiki was out walking in the local shopping district with Ukyo when Sasuke jumped out  
of nowhere shouting "Oh Ms. Tendo! it's horrible! Come this way!"  
  
"Where is the sorceror! Tell me or I shall smite you where you stand heathen!"  
  
"I don't know what your talking about! I'm just selling posters for American movies!" the  
poor elderly shop keeper didn't know what to do.  
  
"What's this all about?" asked Nabiki.  
  
"That fiend on the poster was with Saotome when he stole my pig tailed goddess a second   
time!"  
  
"You mean to tell me Ran chan was with Darth Maul?!?" 


	4. Dual with a vulcan ninja

Kuno vs the fowl sorcerors  
ep 4: Dual with a Ninja Vulcan  
  
  
Notes: For those who don't know Ta paul is the vulcan girl on the new star trek series.  
  
"Yes! This new robot will be my crowning achievement. It's the first one that I'm designing  
purely for combat purposes." It was true, all the other robots he had made in the past, while  
they did have some combat features were ultimately designed for other purposes. This one he  
was working on now though was devoted solely for that purpose. It would be stronger, faster  
and more powerful in every way then his other robots. "But before we send you out were going to   
need some combat data." Warren adjusted the pigtail on his new robot. "Andrew get Ta paul out  
of storage. I have a use for her."  
  
"But I wanted to try having sex with her!I never had sex, even with a robot!" Andrew   
whined  
  
"I told you before. Ta paul is defective. She'd probably end up killing you if you tried.  
This is the perfect assignment for her."  
  
"But I want to have sex!"  
  
"When we rule the world we can have as many wives as we want. Just be a little patient!"  
  
"All right, all right!" Andrew began digging around in the back of the garage. The little  
black pig they had found earlier squeeled angrily in the metal cage it was being kept in.  
It was beyond Andrew why Kuno had been so interested in it. Aside from the fact that it was  
abnormaly strong all tests indicated it was just a normal pig.  
  
  
Nabiki thought over the details of the past few days. Something wasn't adding up.  
Back in the shopping district Kuno had said Ranma was with Darth Maul. Yet after a bit of   
questioning it became apparant he had never seen star wars. Of course it was entirely possible  
that he had seen Darth Mauls face on a poster somewhere before and for some unknown reason  
reused the image in his fantasy. This was completely plausible but the one thing bothering  
her was that Sasuke had seen female Ranma visiting Kuno the other day. Sasuke wouldn't lie  
about this, especially since he was so concerned about his masters condition. Why was Ranma  
there? Ranma could act like a jerk at times but for the most part he seemed like a good  
natured person. Nabiki prided herself as being an excellent judge of character. Ranma  
had no reason to do this. Unless she had misjudged him afterall. Could it be some sort  
of revenge plot to get even with Kuno for ruining all his weddings? No Ranma wouldn't  
do something like that! Or would he? He was only human afterall.  
  
At the Kuno mansion  
  
"Master! What are you doing?" Sasuke said afraid to ask.  
  
"I have learned that mercy no longer has a part to play in the path I have chosen. I must  
not hold back even a little bit or the world shall be covered in darkness!" Kuno had gotten  
out his katana and was blessing it with holy water.  
  
"What do you mean Master?"  
  
"Me thinks that it is time to turn the tables on the sorceror! He has what I want but  
what of what he seeks?"  
  
"What does he seek?" Sasuke asked afraid of what the answer would be.  
  
"He seeks the one ring that will return his master to power. But I shall find it first.  
And I shall cast it into the fiery mouth of mount doom. Sasuke, we are headed for dark times.  
If I cannot find the one ring before he does this land will swarm with orcs, trolls and  
demons. As a protector of this fair land I must keep that from happening at all costs!"  
  
"Oh master...." tears began to come to Sasukes eyes again.  
  
"Fear not Sasuke I will not allow it to pass. Fetch me a blow torch! I must go to find  
the one ring that binds them all!"  
  
"Yes master..." Sasuke reluctantly went to find Kuno a blow torch.  
  
1 hour later  
  
Kuno sat in the park with a large sack in front of him. He had just bought all the gold  
rings from every jewelry store in town. One by one he blasted each with his blow torch. No elven  
runes appeared on any of them. "Hmmmm it would seem that the ring has found a better hiding  
place. Maybe someone has already put it on!" Suddenly Kuno's keen senses picked up someone   
watching him. It didn't feel right though. All the great martial artists of Nerima could detect  
people by sensing their ki. Even the demons Kuno had fought earlier could be detected in this  
manner. But whoever was watching him was completely devoid of it. He could tell someone was  
moving in the bushes but couldn't feel their ki. "What sorcery is this?"  
  
Back in their van the trio watched the plot unfold. "Ta paul will transfer all the battle  
data to the Ranma bot up until the point she is destroyed. When I activate him he'll know how  
to fight Kuno all the better." Warren said with a smug look on his face. They watched as Kuno  
turned to face his opponent.  
  
Kuno looked at a dark figure garbed in a ninja outfit stepping from the bushes. "Who and  
what are you fiend?"  
  
"I am Ta paul of the two swords! An assassin sent by Ranma to take your head!" she said.  
  
"When will that coward fight me like a man? Saotome!"  
  
"Enough talk!" Ta paul flung five shirukens at Kuno who knocked all of them away with his   
sword. Ta paul drew two katanas and began to attack Kuno with them. She was fast, Kuno was   
having a hard time blocking her. Kuno always held back in a fight against a woman. Even now  
he couldn't bring himself to go 100% against her. But he had too if he wanted to see Akane  
and the pig tailed girl again! Kuno took one great slash breaking one of her swords but hesitated  
at the last moment to avoid taking her head off. However the tip of his blade did manage to  
remove her ninja mask. She was a dark elf! He couldn't hold back against her even if she was  
a woman. To hold back in a fight with a dark elf would mean death and he would never see his  
two loves again!  
  
Kuno let loose a howl of fury and struck downward. Ta paul tried to block his stroke but  
her blade was cut in half. Her entire body was bisected. Kuno breathing hard looked at his fallen  
opponent. It was strange, he always imagined elfs, dark or not would have more human looking  
innerds, but hers looked almost elecktronic. This was the first time he had seen a dead elf   
though so who was he to make judgements about what elf innerds should look like.  
  
"Looks like it's over." Warren pushed a red button. Some thermite incindiery devices inside  
the robot activated. Both sides of it were reduced to two molten lumps of metal on the ground.  
  
"Maybe it wasn't a dark elf. Could it have been a golem made to look like one?" Saotome  
was getting trickier, trying to disguise the golem as a dark elf had given this opponent a  
large psychological edge against him in battle. He couldn't make the same mistake again.  
  
"Kuno what are you doing here? That katana!" Nabiki said seeing Kuno with the unsheathed  
katana. Nabikis eyes wandered to see the bag of rings, the blow torch and two molten lumps of metal  
on the ground. "You didn't just melt a fortunes worth of gold rings into two lumps of metal on the  
ground? You didn't steal those rings?"  
  
"What? Taatewaki Kuno would never resort to petty theivery! Those lumps of metal are what  
remain of a golem sent to kill me which was cleverly diguised as a dark elf!"  
  
"Oh Kuno!" Nabiki hugged him. Kuno had never seen her display this sort of affection  
and was somewhat taken aback.  
  
"What is it Nabiki Tendo? I have vanquished the villain. There is nothing more to worry   
about. You may keep the rings if you wish. The one ring is not among them and I have no use for  
such things."  
  
"Thanks Kuno baby. But promise me not to do anything to rash in public again.  
I can't stop you but I don't want you to get thrown in jail or an instutution."  
  
"Why would I ever be put in such a place? I am afterall Nerimas most upstanding citizen!"  
  
"I just want you to promise not to do anything rash."  
  
"Tatewaki Kuno always thinks out his actions. Never fear, I shall not be rash! You there!  
Let me see your ring!"  
  
"Who the hell are you?" asked the man who Kuno was harrassing.  
  
Nabiki took out one of Akanes old mallots and smacked him over the head. "I'm sorry about  
him. He thinks someone took his ring." The man walked away muttering about lunatics.  
  
Nabiki walked over to the two piles of molten metal. It was strange, the metal didn't look  
like gold now that she took a closer look at it. Just what had happened here? 


	5. I'm Ranma saotome Sorry about this

Kuno Vs the foul sorcerors  
  
Ep 5: I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this.  
  
  
It had been several weeks since Warrens Ta paul robot had transmitted the data of Kunos   
fight to the Ranma bot. The little black piglet they had found earlier seemed to have no real   
signifigance but it seemed to mean something to Kuno so there must be something special about it.  
Today Johnathan was in charge of clean up duty for the pig. It was strange, usually the pig   
would thrash and squirm as hard as it could whenever someone tried to hold it but when they  
mentioned the word bath it was docile as ever.  
  
"This is just weird. Jar Jar's never this calm when any of us tries to hold him."  
  
Jar Jar was the name they had given the pig. "Yeah usually pigs don't like bath's"  
said Warren. Johnathan tossed with pig in a tub of warm water and a man wearing the same   
yellow bandana emerged!   
  
"I'm free! I'm finnally free!" The man didn't even show any concern that he was naked  
as he bolted out the door. some woman could be heard screaming shortly after.  
  
"What the hell was that?" Warren and Johnathan both said at once.  
  
"Did I miss something?" asked Andrew as he walked in the room.  
  
"Yeah. Jar Jar just became human and ran out the door."  
  
"No really. Did I miss anything. I thought I heard some noises."  
  
"It's true! We both saw it." said Johnathan. "Wait you don't think that...Ranma?"  
  
"Yeah. He was probably the one who turned that guy into the pig. Although why warm  
water would be the triggering mechanism for the counter curse is beyond me. But this only  
reafirms everything that Kuno said. Ranma is an evil dark sorceror unrivaled in power!" Warren  
said turning pale white. "Apparantly Ranma is no longer in this area though. But I have a hunch  
that it's only a matter of time before he returns. He'll see our group as competition to his  
control of this area."  
  
"Maybe we could like try to team up with him or something." suggested Andrew.  
  
"I don't think so. Do you want to work with a guy who could turn you into a pig if  
you look at him the wrong way? I bet he's like Rabi Rah in Demon city Shinjuku! I get goosebumps  
just thinking of the sort of power that could consistantly beat a jedi wudan master!" said  
Johnathan.  
  
"This is why we need to escalate our plans sooner then I anticipated. We need to gain a  
firm base of power before Ranma returns to reclaim his territory. Which is why I've used my  
strategic genius to enitiate the Two towers project!"  
  
"The Two towers project?" both Andrew and Johnathan asked.  
  
"Yes. There are two high schools in the Nerima area each on the opposite side of town.   
Each one has a clock tower on it, hence the name of the project.  
These will be our two bases of power. Furinken high and St Baccahs school for girls! I will  
rule over the territory of Furinken high under the code name of Sauron. Andrew, you and Johnathan  
will rule over St Baccahs territory under the code names of Sarumon and worm toung!"  
  
"Hey why do I have to be worm toung?"  
  
"I'll go over the full details of the two towers project after we accomplish our next   
mission. Because you see one man stands between us and greatness. Before we can initiate the Two  
Towers project we must eliminate Tatewaki Kuno the Jedi Wudan master! Muahahaha! Laugh with me!"  
  
Andrew started laughing idioticly. Johnathan laughed rather half heartedly. Warren really  
intended to kill Kuno. He had looked over the new robot he was working on and it was a real  
killing machine in every sense of the word.He had doubts about if even someone like Kuno could  
beat it. When Johnathan had signed on with the trio he never really thought about what it meant  
to be a villain. He just wanted to escape his boring life and live out his comic book fantasys.  
But now the downside of being a villain was becoming painfully clear. You had to eliminate  
any heros who got in your way or you would go to the big house. Johnathan didn't want to kill  
anyone but he didn't want to go to the big house either. He had gotten himself in a real mess.  
  
Things had quieted down alot since Kuno's climatic show down with the vulcan robot. But  
Kuno was never one to lay idle when he felt evil was lurking nearby. Kuno slashed with all his   
might in an attempt to duplicate the phoenix wave technique which he had used for the first time  
on the day the pig tailed girl was stolen from him a second time. But he could never get the   
desired effect. What was missing?  
  
Sasuke was talking with Nabiki on the phone. "Ranma says that he was nowhere in the area.  
He said he was out getting dinner because Akane was making her infamous "Akane surprise" for him."  
  
"I saw him myself!"  
  
"You sound sincere but someone here is lying. I know for a fact that both of you have   
motives to try to do something like this to Kuno, although to be honest I didn't think either of  
you had it in you."  
  
"Ms Tendo! What are you playing at? I'd never try to drive my master crazy!"  
  
"According to my records you aren't paid very much are you?"  
  
"What does that have to do with this?"  
  
"Oh really. We'll just have to wait and see. It is true you have a second witness, Kuno  
baby. But Kuno also said he saw Ranma on a flying dragon with darth maul that same day. So I won't  
point any fingers at anyone until I find more evidence. In any case I've got to go. Be sure to  
keep that in mind Sasuke."  
  
Sasuke hung up the phone. He would never do something like that. But he knew Nabiki was  
right about one thing. Something strange was going on.  
  
Back at the trio hide out  
  
  
"Ok! Time for our first test run!" They had welded togather a bunch of metal sheets and   
pipes cornering off part of the car garage. Something was moving around inside it. Hesitantly   
Andrew removed the metal bar on the door and a demon simialer to the second one Kuno fought came  
out. Andrew backed out through the back door. The demon started to turn when a voice said "I'm  
your opponent." before it stood what appeared to be a pig tailed boy wearing a black trench  
coat and sunglasses. The demon roared and charged at him. He moved his head to the side and  
the demons huge fist missed his face. He caught its fore arm with one hand and raised his other   
arm. Three long metal blades came out of his knuckles. He brought them down chopping the  
demons arm off. The demon howled in pain.   
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this!" the pig tailed boy raised both hands and several   
lightning bolts arched between them. He grabbed the demons head with both hands elecktrocuting   
it. The demons body fell over smoldering and dead.  
  
"Wow! That was great Ranma!I'm so proud! I bet your strong enough to take on robo  
cop!" Warren said enthusiaticaly.  
  
"My name is Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."  
  
"Umm I think maybe there's a glitch in his speech program." suggested Andrew.  
  
"My name is Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this." Warren slapped the back of his head.  
"Oh. That's better. Thank you master."  
  
"Don't metnion it. Tomarows your big day after all. I can't have you forgetting all those  
wonderfully dramatic lines I made you memorize!"  
  
"Dodge this!It's always a pleasure to meet a jedi. Lets lock and load!"  
  
"Great! But save it for tomarow."  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."  
  
"Arrrgggh!No! I didn't even program you to say that! Why are you saying that?!?"  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."  
  
  
Kuno was out making his usual rounds. Things had been quiet, too quiet. Something was   
bound to happen soon. He had to find the ring before he was too late. Kuno been scouring the  
park with a metal detector all day. So far he found 50 yen and some old cans. "Pssst! over here!"  
  
Kuno turned to see someone who looked exactly like Sailor Moon! This was one of the  
few animes Kuno had seen. In fact it was part of the reason he would always say those cheezy  
speeches everytime he was about to fight. "Sailor Moon! What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came to warn you. If you stay in this town you will die. If you leave before tomarow  
you can survive. But if you stay here Ranma will kill you for sure. Your strong but he's gotten  
much more powerful! Your no match for him now. Leave this fight to the sailor senshi!"  
  
"Ahh but I cannot leave!It is my destiny to fight on! Even if I must fight the armys of  
hell itself I shall never stop!Sailor Moon, if I did not already have two loves perhaps we could  
be together, but we must be content to be allies of justice! For I could never forsake the  
pig tailed goddess and Akane Tendo by falling for another while they are with him! Good bye  
Sailor Moon! Even if I am killed I'll never forget you and the moments we shared!" With tears  
in his eyes Kuno jumped from tree to tree leaving a very confused Johnathan disguised as Sailor  
Moon.  
  
"He acted like he knew Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon couldn't actually be real could she?"  
Johnathan wondered to himself. He had done what he could, but Kuno was much to stubborn to ever  
forsake the ones he loved. It was at that moment Kuno became a true hero in the eyes of Johnathan.  
He decided to secretly help Kuno to survive what was coming.  
  
When Kuno got home he called Nabiki on the phone. "Kuno baby! What is it?"  
  
"I just wanted to let you know. Sailor Moon has informed me that the sorceror Saotome  
will be coming to kill me the next day."  
  
"What? Sailor Moon!?"  
  
"I just wanted to let you know that some of what you said about  
me was true. I thought myself invincible but was bested in combat numerous times by his sorcery.  
Now that he is even stronger and is intending to fight to kill I'm not sure if I will be coming  
back this time. Nabiki Tendo I truly appreciated your freindship. Promise me that you will do  
what you can to try to rescue Akane and my pig tailed goddess if I don't make it back."  
  
"Kuno I...." Nabiki didn't know what to say. She had never heard Kuno sounding humble  
enough to admit some of his faults but at the same time she had never seen him as deluded  
as to think sailor Moon was real. Suddenly the phone went dead.  
  
"Nabiki!?!"  
  
"Ahhhh....If it isn't the jedi wudan master." said a distorted voice on the other end of  
the phone.  
  
"Saotome! What have you done with Nabiki Tendo you fiend?"  
  
"Calm down. Your friend is all right for the time being. You will meet me in front of  
the Furinken high clock tower tomarow. If you don't I can't garrauntee the safety of your pig   
tailed goddess. Of course you would have come anyway. You jedi always do after all.  
Muhahahahaha!"  
  
"You! You fiend! How dare you be so dishonerable as to threaten the pigtailed girl! I  
Tatewaki Kuno shall send you to hell personally spawn of evil!" Kuno shouted into the phone. The   
voice on the other end was gone.  
  
"Kuno what happened? The phone went dead for a moment."  
  
"Farewell Nabiki Tendo! I must seek my destiny!" Kuno didn't bother putting it back  
on the hook. He just dropped it and ran out to get his katana and prepare for the next day.  
  
"Hello? kuno?" 


	6. I'm Ranma saotome Sorry about this: act ...

Kuno vs the fowl sorcerors  
Ep 6: I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this: act 2  
  
notes: For those unfamiliar with Inuyasha, a hanyou is a half demon.  
  
  
Kuno hadn't slept very much the last night. He kept telling himself he was a warrior of  
no equal, but deep in his heart he was afraid of what was to come the next day. He would never  
admit it. Especially not to himself but what Sailor Moon had told him had scared him.  
The mysterious phone call had confirmed her words. There were to many things that he hadn't  
done yet. Kuno had always pictured himself growing up to marry Akane and the pig tailed girl,   
and then going on to star in big budget Samurai movies. He had even written some scripts he  
was thinking of sending in to some American producers. But all that seemed far away now.  
"Samurai lone journey five" may never see the silver screen. And he may never see his two  
loves again. But a true Samurai could not back down from the challenge. Kuno took his katana  
and left for Furinken high.  
  
Ukyo was just starting to open up her restruant when she saw an unexpected person walking  
down the street. "Ran-chan! What are you doing here? Why are you dressed like that? Listen I'm  
not sure if you heard, but Kuno's gone nuts! You probably shouldn't let him see you."  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."  
  
"I know your Ranma Saotome you big dummy. I know I was a little upset about the whole  
wedding deal but I'm over that now. How would you like an okonomiyaki on the house."  
  
Ranma bots orders were to avoid any interaction with anyone besides Kuno. "I'm Ranma Sa-"  
he smacked himself on the back of the head."What I meant to say was I'll be back!". He said  
it in a perfect Arnold Schwartznegger voice. Then he bolted to the top of a telephone  
pole and darted away from roof top too roof top heading for Furinken high.  
  
"Ran chan! Why is he acting like this? He couldn't still be mad at me after all this time?"  
  
Kuno nervously waited under the usual tree which he used to wait under to dual Ranma in   
the past. "Why is it that I the blue thunder of Furiken high feel this way? Wait! Could it be  
the villain used an under confidence curse on me? No! I must stay calm or this day shall be  
my last!"  
  
Kuno then noticed a small shadow on the sidewalk leading to school. It began to grow until  
the form of Ranma clad in an outfit identicle to the one Neo wore in the matrix landed with   
such force it sent shards of the shattered pavement flying into the air. The fake Ranma stood   
up and said "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this!"  
  
"Sorry! You think I would accept your apology after the villainy you wrought!You fiend!  
You stole my two loves! You made sport of me with your vile magic! You even defiled one of my  
noble weapons! For the honer of the Kuno clan and for the safety of the people of this great  
nation, I Tatewaki Kuno, Blue thunder of Furinken high shall punish you!" lightning flashed  
in the background.  
  
Ranma stepped foreward "We don't have to do this you know. Join me!After all there is  
always two, a master and an apprentice! You have been a worthy opponent, join me! It is  
your destiny!"  
  
"Never! How dare you think that one such as I would join one so lowly!"  
  
"Kuno! I am your father!"  
  
"No! That's impossible! My fathers in Hawaii!" Yet strangely it made sense to Kuno. Both  
his father and Ranma had left at the same time. Both had been a thorn in his side for as long   
as he knew them. "This....This cannot be!"  
  
"Look in your heart! You know it to be true! Join me! We shall rule the galaxy, father and  
son!" if Kuno hadn't been so distrought by the fake Ranma's statements he may have noticed that  
the fake Ranma wasn't putting out any ki. But Kuno was in no state of mind to analyze this at  
the moment.  
  
"No!I am a jedi! i shall never join you!" Kuno still didn't know what a jedi was but it  
seemed like the right thing to say.  
  
"So be it, Jedi!" The fake Ranma grinned evilly as arcs of lightning came between his  
hands. He let loose a blast of lightning. Foolishly Kuno tried to block it with his katana  
but of course this only made him a better conductor. After the lightning blast he was   
smoldering but still standing. Blades came out of Ranmas knuckles and he charged Kuno slashing  
at him. Strangely Ranma seemed much slower then usual so Kuno was able to dodge him. Why was  
he so much slower? He was more powerful so that speed spell he always used should work even  
better. Maybe it mean't that his hard training had finnally paid off. He could finnally match  
the speed of Ranmas spell. He could win this fight!  
  
Kuno blocked a few more strikes from his metal claws and then jumped back just in time  
as the Ranma bot opened its mouth and shot out a blast of flame. Kuno looked at the burn't  
grass and said "You are truly a demon!"  
  
"I am no mere demon. I am the darkness beyond twilight, the crimson beyond blood that  
flows! I am Shabranigdo the king of all demons!" shouted the robot with a look of pure hatred  
and evil on its face.  
  
"The demon king! It cannot be! Then that means.... I am the son of a demon! But my mother  
was human! I'm a hanyou!" Kuno fell to his knees in shock.  
  
"I have no time to waste on a petulant child." he said in an imitation of Gendos voice.  
"You see after years of observation I've come to the conclusion that humans aren't actually  
mammals. You see they multiply, when they use up one areas natural resources they move on to  
a new area. There's one other organsim that does this, a virus! I am the cure to that virus!"  
  
This madman intended to wipe humanity from the face of the earth! He had to stop him!  
Kuno grabbed his katana and used his multi strike technique. He focused on the robots chest.  
The robot was knocked back but was still standing. There was a hole in his shirt and he had  
pretty much destroyed any artificial skin that was there. But he hadn't managed to do any more  
then that. Underneath it all was an armored endoskeliton. Inside the van Warren and Andrew  
watched. "Not even he can destroy my robot. Thats two inches of adamantium coated with diamond,  
With a protection spell on top of that!"  
  
"Hey you think Ranma really is his father? He seemed to believe the robot."  
  
"Wouldn't surprise me one bit. But we can deal with his dad later after the two towers  
project is completed. Say where did Johnathan go?"  
  
Kuno looked on in shock. All the other times they fought Ranma had dodged but this time he  
didn't. "Like I said before. I can dodge bullets, and now I don't have to." Ranma shot another  
blast of flame which Kuno dodged. The robot used it's rocket boosters and flew into the air  
kneeing Kuno in the face. This time it imitated the voice of the emporor in Gladiator. "AM I  
NOT MERCIFUL?" it shouted at Kuno.  
  
Before Kuno could fall the robot caught him by the head and held him in the air hovering.  
"I....fight..on..."  
  
"You pesk me." he said imitating Kahns voice. Then he flung Kuno to the ground. The robot  
extended one knuckle blade and shot down like a bullet impaling Kuno on the left shoulder.  
"I know this hurts! Call out to John!"  
  
"Never!" Kuno didn't know who this John person was but he wasn't about to call him. Maybe  
John was the ring bearer. He was in too much pain to really give it much thought though.  
  
"Let him go!" Ranma bot turned.  
  
Warren was so surprised by what he saw he fell out of his chair spilling his mountain  
dew all over his face! "What the hell? Was that Sailor Moon?"  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this." said the robot as it turned to her.  
  
The person appearing to be sailor moon shouted "I'm sailor Moon! I stand for truth and   
justice! In the name of the moon, I shall punish you!"  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this." The robot then uttered Xena warrior princess's war  
cry and began back flipping towards her. Sailor Moon was muttering something under her breath  
and waving her scepter. Suddenly a piano fell out of the sky and landed on top of the robot.  
  
"No way! Sailor Moon never dropped pianos on people!" both Andrew and Warren shouted at  
once with their faces pressed against the view screen.  
  
Kuno propped himself up on his katana. "Sailor Moon. You saved me!" before Kuno could say  
anymore the piano began to move. A single arm plowed up through the wood. The Ranma bot ripped  
its way out from under the piano. "He is truly a demon!" Kuno said looking at it. The Ranma  
bot looked back at him. Half of its face was ripped off exposing one glowing red eye similer to  
the one Arnold had in Terminator.  
  
"I need a vacation" the robot said in a perfect imitation of Arnolds voice.  
  
"Ranma bot! Return at once! There has been a change of plans!"  
  
"Legato Blue summers! Next time I will be the one hunting you!" the robot flew off into  
the sky.  
  
"Sailor Moon! I am truly grateful for your help! A token of my gratitude." Kuno pulled  
her closer and kissed her on the lips. She burst into tears and ran away. "Truly an innocent  
flower to be moved to tears by a kiss." It was then Kuno looked over at the piano. It looked  
kind of familiar. "Must be coincedence" he told himself.  
  
Nabiki had heard some noises and someone sounding like Kuno shouting. She headed off in  
the direction. When she was almost to the high school a girl who looked and dressed exactly  
like Sailor Moon ran passed her crying. "Who...?"  
  
Then she saw Kuno, his clothes were tattered and there was a bloody hole in his shoulder.  
"Nabiki Tendo! I fight on!" Kuno collapsed in front of her.   
  
"Oh my god! Kuno! We need to call an ambulance!" What had happened here? Kuno had said  
he was going to fight Ranma yesterday. Ranma couldn't have done this? Then Nabiki looked  
over her shoulder in the direction she had seen the Sailor Moon girl go. She remembered  
what Kuno had said earlier. "No....That's impossible!"  
  
After washing his mouth out for ten minutes Johnathan came out of the bathroom. He had  
transformed himself into Sailor Moon again to save Kuno. He even made his magic bone look like  
her moon sceptor. He had used a teleportation spell to drop the piano on the robot. The only  
problem is that the spell only worked with things he had seen before and there was only  
one piano he could think of on such short notice. Well it was either his piano or his life  
so he was sure Kuno wouldn't miss it. "Hey guys did I miss anything?"  
  
Andrew and Warren were arguing about something. The Ranma bot was sitting on the lab table  
fixing its face. "I'm telling you! She's pissed because you raided those sailor moon pantys! You  
should give them to me for safe keeping until this is over!" said Andrew.  
  
"No their mine! Women are always ruining my plans! Well I'll show her! I'll show her!   
She's no match for my genius! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Warren laughed madly still clutching his Sailor  
Moon pantys. Johnathan had a bad feeling about this. 


	7. Running from the man!

Kuno vs the foul sorcerors  
ep 7: Running from the man!  
  
Notes: Now that I think of it, I made Warren a much better strategist then he was on the TV  
show. Oh well! And Haruhara Haruko is copyright to Gainax. She's a character from FLCL.  
  
The ambulance arrived shortly after Nabikis call to take Kuno to the hospital. Nabiki had  
surveyed the area. There had definantly been a fight here. There was burnt grass and bushes too.  
This wasn't an ordinary martial arts fight. The ki attacks Ranma and Ryoga used never burn't  
anything. All they would do is break things really. The only person who ever used fire based  
attacks Nabiki had heard of was Saffron. But Saffron couldn't be more then a few years old right  
now since he had been reborn. But if it wasn't a martial arts attack ,what was it? It was nearly  
as unlikely as Saffron returning to have someone waltz into the middle of the school grounds  
with a flame thrower. And then there was that smashed piano. Why a piano would even be in such  
a place was a mystery in of it's own. The only thing Nabiki could do was try to find witnesses.  
  
As if to answer Nabikis need someone said "Ummmm" Nabiki turned to see Hiroshi. "I saw what  
happened here.". Hiroshi had just been returning to the high school so he could get his records  
for his college when he had saw what happened.  
  
"What happened here Hiroshi?"  
  
"It was Ranma." said the pale faced Hiroshi. "I didn't see the whole fight. Because some of  
his fire caught on my pants when he was trying to blast Kuno. But I did see some of it. I've never  
seen Ranma looking so terrifying! I even wet my pants when he looked at me!"  
  
Nabiki made a slightly disgusted look as she saw the large wet spot on his crotch. "Oh my..."  
  
"We were always freinds. I thought I knew him. I even found out about his curse. But I never  
knew he could breath fire!"  
  
"What? Ranma breathed fire?!?"  
  
"Yes! He was fighting Kuno and tried to blast him. He also shot lightning bolts out of his  
hands!What your really not going to believe is that he didn't deny any of Kunos accusations  
like he usually did. For some reason he was dressed like that guy in the matrix too."  
  
"This isn't right..." for once Nabiki felt unsure about what she had believed was true.  
It couldn't be! This was impossible! Could Ranma the somewhat rude but good natured martial  
artist really be a dark sorceror? If so could he really be good enough to fool even her all   
these years? And the one person who seemed to be the stupidest person on the planet had found  
him out instead of her, Nabiki Tendo, the person with the highest I.Q in all of Nerima.  
"THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!" Nabiki screamed into Hiroshis face.  
  
The already jumpy Hiroshi tripped over his own feet and the spot on his pants grew   
slightly larger. "Please don't be so scary! I don't think I'll be able to sleep for a week  
as it is!" Hiroshi ran off.  
  
Nabiki could have chalked all this up to mass hysteria but there was no way around the  
ever growing pile of physical evidence. There was more then just a maple wood bokken to this   
now. Even though she knew what Kuno would say she thought she should ask him herself before  
she confronted Ranma about this.  
  
Back at the nerds hide out  
  
"Why don't we just send Ranma bot out to kill him. It should be easy with him in the   
hospital." whined Andrew.  
  
"Ranma bot has more important things to do. I didn't program him with the knowledge to  
mass produce himself for nothing. This way I won't have to build more robots and I can focus  
my attention on more important things like what we stole from that base. I think your freind  
should be more then capable of handeling Kuno in his condition."  
  
"But he smells funny and always looks at me like I'm good to eat."  
  
"What do you expect? He's a demon afterall! But Ranma bot has more important things to do!  
Or have you forgotten that not only do we have a very powerful dark sorceror to worry about  
but the sailor Senshi as well?"  
  
"Oh all right. But I still think he smells funny!" Andrew whined.  
  
Johnathan was silently playing with some Dragon ball Z action figures. He never did find   
out just what was in that box that Warren had them steal from the base. Warren didn't want to   
tell either of them but whatever was in that box,it was the size of a large man. And he could   
remember all to well that it was also as heavy as one.  
  
the next day  
  
So far it had been a boring day at the Ranma household. Awhile back Akane had accused him  
of running off to play games with Kuno. Ranma had no idea what that was about. Like he would  
ever want to go back to Nerima just to play with one of the people he most wanted to avoid.  
Ranma was watching the fugitive right now. Ranma was grateful that for all the things that had  
happened to him, he had never been a wanted man. Ranma flicked off the TV. Ranma felt it was  
about time he practiced some of his techniques. After all if he didn't shoot off a moko   
takabisha now and then he could get rusty.Ranma placed a large boulder in the middle of his  
back yard and began to focus his ki.  
  
Akane heard the door bell ring and answered to find two police officers. "We are here  
with a warrant for the arrest of Ranma Saotome. If you will take us to him please."  
  
"R-Ranma!?! Why?"  
  
"Attempted Murder."  
  
"What? Ranma couldn't have!" the two police officers brushed passed her. Japanese police  
officers didn't carry guns unless it was a special situation. These two had guns.  
  
The two officers opened the back door just as Ranma fired the Moko Takabisha shattering  
the boulder into pebbles. Ranma turned to look at the police officers. "Yo officers! what's up?"  
he said oblivious.  
  
"P-p-p-put your hands on the ground and face down"!" the two officers were shaking in  
their boots.  
  
"What's this all about? I didn't do anything." Ranma began to walk towards them.  
  
"Stop or I'll shoot!"  
  
"Whoah there! All right! Just put the gun down!" they just stood looking at  
each other when suddenly the wall exploded.   
  
Ryoga walked in and said "Is this the Unryu pig farm?" this surprise had been too much   
and the two officers fired wildly in Ryogas direction.  
  
"Ryoga run!" Ranma grabbed Ryoga as he barely dodged the gun fire and they both jumped  
over the wall.  
  
"Ranma! What have you got me into this time?"  
  
"I don't know! I think I've been framed or something!"  
  
The two officers ran through the hole made by Ryoga. One of them pulled out a walkie  
talkie. "We need back up! Send everything you've got! Ranma Saotome is escaping with an  
accomplice!"  
  
Akane surveyed the distruction done to their yard. Sure Ranma had been acting strange with  
Kuno but there's no way this could be true! "Ranma, what have you gotten into?"  
  
Awhile later both Ranma and Ryoga were hiding under a bridge. "Curse you Ranma! Just when  
I was thinking that some of my problems might not be your fault, you make me a wanted man!  
RANMA THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"  
  
"Shhhh! Ryoga!"  
  
"Hey I heard someone shouting over this way!" there was a splash. The officers saw a  
pig tailed girl playing with a black pig in the water.  
  
"Have you seen anyone suspicious go by here?" asked one of the cops.  
  
"No! I was just taking a swim with my pet pig! Cleanliness is the best thing right?"  
  
"You do realise that this river is connected with the waste treatment plant."  
  
"Oh... I guess thats why it smells...." The police went on their way.  
  
A man in a dark trench coat was meeting with the cheif of the local police department.  
"This man is our target. His name is Ranma Saotome. We have yet to discover the name of his  
accomplice but have a good sketch of him from the officers discriptions. It's only a matter  
of time before we track him down. But in the mean time I'll have my men search every hen house  
out house and dog house until we find him."  
  
"You sure about out houses though? I mean, what if you walk in on someone using it?"  
  
Nabiki had found Ukyo and they were both going to see Kuno to find out what had happened.  
It had been a day since his fight and the doctors were allowing visitors now. The room was dark  
since it was the evening but they could make out the form of something standing over Kuno's bed.  
It looked at them, it's huge eyes shown in the dark. There was no mistaking that whatever it  
was wasn't human! It drew back and they could make out a long spine on the creatures fore arm.  
Ukyo flung several spatula shirukens at the creature. All of them hit the target. The creature  
shreiked and dove out the window. "What the hell was that thing?"  
  
"How should I know?" Nabiki turned on the light and checked Kuno. There was a puncture  
wound on his arm but there was some weird slimy stuff on the wound that seemed to help seal it.  
That thing had injected something into him.  
  
"He's still alive but that thing did something to him. We need to find Ranma and ask him  
what's going on."  
  
"I can't believe that Ran chan could be the one behind this."  
  
"I find it hard to believe too. But there were witnesses. You stay here and make sure  
that thing doesn't come back. I'm going home to check on some things."  
  
When Nabiki got back she walked in to find Soun in tears. He wailed "Oh the humanity!"  
  
He threw his arms around Nabiki. "Dad! Stop! Can't breath!"  
  
After Nabiki pried her dad off she saw Genma sitting with a stern look on his face.  
Happosai sat in the corner smoking his pipe while Nodoka oddly looked rather cheerful. "My son  
is living the life of a dangerous outlaw! How manly of him!"  
  
"Mr. Saotome. What's going on here?"  
  
"We've just been informed that Ranma has escaped the police and is on the run. They seem  
to think he tried to kill that boy with the bokken he was always fighting."  
  
"Well this is quite a mess isn't it." Happosai said smoking his pipe. "If this keeps up  
our schools may never be united. A master's got to do what a master's got to do." Happosai  
picked up the bag he usually used for his raids and bounced out the window shouting "I'm  
coming Ranma chan!"  
  
"If the master is getting involved this could truly become serious. Saotome!"  
  
"Indeed." They both sat looking serious for a moment.  
  
"I think now would be a good time to take a trip to China!"  
  
"Right!" Nabiki smacked them both with Akanes mallot.  
  
  
Back at the hospital  
  
"Mmmm... pig tailed girl!" Ukyo looked over at Kuno. He was dreaming about something.  
  
The alarm sounded and Kuno woke up with a start. "The sorceror! I must stop his madness!"  
  
"Another nightmare honey?" Kuno turned to see the pig tailed girl.  
  
"Pig tailed girl!" Kuno wasn't in the hospital. He was in his bed back at his mansion and  
the pig tailed girl was there with him. And she was wearing a rather racy black night gown. At  
first Kuno was dissoriented but then all of this seemed normal. Kuno could smell something good  
in the kitchen.  
  
"Good morning honey! I made you my specialty, Akane surprise!" She held a plate that had  
a little black pig on it with an apple in its mouth. It was sitting on top of a large scrambled  
egg.  
  
"Your cooking is as wondrous as thy beauty!" Kuno quickly ate his Akane Surprise and   
headed off to work.  
  
He arrived at the shooting of his new movie "Samurai lone journey five"  
  
His opponent who was being played by Mousse said "I shall defeat you Blade of the nine  
moons! Hahahaha! My swordsmanship is surpurior!" They fought until Kuno impaled Mousse.  
  
"Cut! That was perfectly done Kuno baby! Mousse, you might want to clean that up. Your  
intestines are getting on the set." said Nabiki who was dressed like a director.  
  
"I'm sorry! I'll bring a bag for them next time!" Said Mousse as he scooped up his innerds  
  
Suddenly warning sirens blared all over the city! There was another attack! "I am sorry  
Nabiki Tendo! The rest of the shooting must wait! I must vanquish those who would dare to  
threaten this fare city!" There was a spotlite on the clouds with a symbol   
which was supposed to be a bokken but looked more like a phalic symbol.  
  
"Ok but make it snappy! We still have five more scenes to shoot today!" Kuno flew up  
into the sky. As he flew the theme song for Gekiganger was playing in the back ground. kunos   
clothes got all glowy and vanished like with sailor moon and a new superhero outfit formed in  
their place. Kuno wore something that looked like a cross between batmans costume and something  
a sentai hero would wear. He had a black billowing cape and a rediculous power ranger style  
helmet. On his chest was the same phalic symbol the spot light had shown in the sky. kuno looked  
below, thousands of orcs were rampaging across Nerima. Leading them was a giant dinosaur that  
had Ranmas face. It fired a beam out of its mouth obliterating a battalion of tanks.  
  
"Saotome! You dare to show your cowardly face here again!" Kuno pointed his bokken at  
the dinosaur.  
  
"Oh no! It's the Blue thunder avenger!" all the orcs shreiked in fear. Kuno slashed and  
a huge energy wave shot from his bokken anihhilating them.  
  
"Blue thunder! I shall destroy you and steal away your loves! Then I shall rule the world  
with an iron skillet!" To prove his point dinosaur Ranma pulled out a giant iron skillet and  
flung it at Kuno. Kuno sliced it in half with ease.  
  
"Ha! Your attacks are childs play for me to defeat!"  
  
"Oh no! Your power is to powerful for me! I am mortified at your feet!"  
  
"Use proper grammar you simpleton!" Kuno shouted as he decaptitated Ranma dinosaur with  
one blow! Kuno landed dramaticaly as the huge dino Ranma head landed with a tremendous thud  
behind him. A huge crowd of people cheered for him. "Ahh my adoring public!" after signing  
autographs of hundreds of girls he went over to the local Ramen place to get a bite to eat after  
a hard days work.   
  
Kuno sat down to eat when he heard someone say "Jeeze! Is this all your fantasys amount  
to?"  
  
Kuno turned to see a pink haired girl in a red bunny girl outfit. "Ahh! Another lovely   
flower! My name is-"  
  
"It's Tatewaki Kuno! Like I don't know! It's written all over your fantasy world,   
literally! But to me your just Taro kun."  
  
"T-Taro kun? How dare you use such a common name to describe me!" She looked at him with  
those piercing yellow eyes and grinned. "Taro kun is upset!"  
  
Kuno thrust at her with his bokken but got nothing but air. She tapped him on the shoulder  
"You've got about a million years before you can beat me you stupid little monkey." She   
slammed a bass guitar down on Kunos head. She hung him up side down and began shaking.  
Hundreds of little plushie versions of the pig tailed girl and Akane fell out of his head. Then  
some bokkens and lastly a big poster of Ranma with a mustache and glasses drawn on it.  
"Just as I thought. Nothing but junk." She picked up all the stuff that fell out of his head  
and tossed it in the waste bin.  
  
"No! Those are my most precious possessions!" She lit a match and tossed it. They all  
burst into flame.  
  
"Your going to have to let them go if you want to leave this place."  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Haruhara Haruko. I was wandering around the astral plane looking for someone I know  
when I ran into your dumb fantasy world."  
  
"Infernal woman! What are you babbeling about?" She hit him over the head with her guitar  
again and all the memorys of Kunos old life came back to him.  
  
"It's no concern of mine. Find your way out on your own."  
  
"Wait! The sorceror...no .... my father! He must be the one who put me here! While I lay  
idle no doubt he is planning to conquer the world!"  
  
"Not my problem." Haruko began to walk out to a yellow vespa scooter in the lot.  
  
"If you help me I will help you find what you seek!"  
  
"You will?" her face seemed to light up at the proposition.  
" Sounds good Taro kun. He is heading for your world after all! Ok, I can  
break the barrier with my own power. But I'll be coming for you later." Haruko said looking  
at him with her piercing yellow eyes. There was something very wrong about this person.  
She began to wave her guitar around and began chanting "Furi Kuri, Furi Kara, Furi Kuri, Furi  
kara!" something that looked like fairy dust was coming out of the guitar.  
  
Kuno sat up with a start. "Where am I?"  
  
"Your in the hospital." said a doctor. "You were out for nearly a week. We were afraid  
you might have had a coma but it looks like you managed to get out of it fine."  
  
"It was that long?"  
  
Ukyo came out from behind the doctor. "Yeah. Kuno weve got some things to ask you."  
  
meanwhile  
  
Warren, Andrew and Johnathan walked through one of the tunnels made by Andrews mole demons.  
Lesser demons were going two and throw enforcing the walls. They were under Furinken high.   
"Everything is going according to schedual" Warren said in a failed attempt to sound like  
Gendo. "Now all we need is to install the pacificity devices in the proper places. To make  
sure no one in the school tries to interfere."  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."  
  
"That robot creeps me out. He reminds me of those killer androids in screamers" said  
Andrew looking warrily at the Ranma bot.  
  
"What are you planning to do to these schools?" asked Johnathan.  
  
"You'll see. Lets just say its to trap an alternate power source for what we stole at  
the base."  
  
Suddenly Ranma bot said "There has been a change in status. It would appear that he managed  
to fight off the dream demon venom."  
  
"What? It's still too soon! Andrew! You said he wasn't supposed to be able to do that!"  
  
"Well most people can't. But he is a Jedi wudan master so I guess..."  
  
"This is a crucial point in our plan. I can't have interference! What's the status on  
the second Ranma bot?"  
  
"80% complete. I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this." 


	8. The accursed destiney of a hanyou!

Kuno vs the foul sorcerors  
Ch. 8: The accursed destiny of a hanyou!  
  
notes: To answer peter kims question at least three other Buffy characters will make an   
appearance in this fic. I won't say who they are. One of them is a villain from a previous  
season and the other two were regulars on the show at one time but neither are at the moment.  
Right now it's around the middle of season six. The trio left sunnydale before the point  
in time when they first make their appearance in the TV show. So they never end up affecting   
things there that much in this reality. Other then that things happened more or less the  
same with Buffy coming back to life, etc.  
  
Kuno had just finished telling Nabiki and Ukyo what had happened to him. Both of them   
were looking at him with faces that looked sort of like this ._. "This can't be happening! I   
mean its rediculous enough that Ranma would be a sorceror, but Kunos father?"  
  
Ukyo nodded in agreement. His story was to rediculous for words yet no one could deny   
what they had seen. They themselves had witnessed a demon trying to do something to Kuno in   
addition to all the other evidence. Ukyo was begining to see how Neo felt in the Matrix. She   
didn't know what was real and what wasn't anymore. If only she could blindly accept things   
like Kuno she wouldn't have this head ache. She had even seen Ranma fight his father on  
numerous occasions. But if he was a demon sorceror like in Kunos story maybe he could split  
into two seperate entitys. No! it couldn't be true! Yet she still couldn't deny what she saw.  
And although she hadn't mentioned anything about it she had seen Ranma the day Kuno was attacked.  
Just the thought that she could have wasted her life courting Kunos father was enough to make  
her sick. "I won't believe it until I see Ran chan for myself."  
  
"It's true! No longer am I the nobelist of noble! I am an accursed hanyou! Never being   
accepted by either humans or demons! What a tragic life I lead! Yet I must fight on until I   
vanquish the demon who spawned me! No! Why did I not see it before!"  
  
"What is it Kuno?"  
  
"My sister! No doubt he's trying to corrupt her already corrupted mind! He asked me  
to join him! No! Kodachi! I must save her along with my two loves!" Kuno forced his way out  
of bed. Nabiki tried to block him but he was too strong and pushed her aside.  
  
"You can't go! The doctor didn't say you could leave yet!"  
  
"Destiny does not wait for a doctor!"  
  
The doctor walked in and said "What are you doing out of bed?"  
  
"I must go! The vile fiend must be vanquished!"  
  
"N-now this is highly irregular! I must insist that oomph!" He shoved the doctor aside   
and walked out of the room.  
  
Kunos shoulder was bandaged but it still hurt like hell. But that couldn't stop him.  
He had to find Ranma before it was too late for Kodachi. but first he needed to return home to  
get his sword.  
  
Sasuke was making the usual rounds about the mansion. He had put a large stack of box's  
where the piano used to be and threw a sheet over them. He knew his master would throw a fit  
and blame it on Ranma when he saw it. "Sasuke! Fetch me my sword!"  
  
"Master! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Sasuke! How long have you known?"  
  
"Known what?"  
  
"How long have you known that I was a hanyou? Destined to lead an accursed fate! Accepted  
by neither human nor demon!"  
  
"I don't know what your talking about!"  
  
"Do not feign ignorance Sasuke! Has your ninja clan not served the Kunos for many   
gennerations?"  
  
"Y-yes!"  
  
"Then you must have known that my father was the demon Saotome!"  
  
"W-what? That's impossible!"  
  
"You claim ignorance? Could it be that you are in league with him? Or maybe he is so  
clever that he fooled even you! He is truly a cunning foe. But my clear bright eyes miss no  
detail! His trickery shall never decieve me!"  
  
"Oh master! You've gone off the deep end haven't you!" Sasuke said with tears in his eyes.  
  
Kuno was about to go get his sword when a number of blow gun darts hit his back. He fell  
to the ground. The rapid fire blow gun retracted into Ranma bots arm. Warrens orders had been  
to bring him alive. "You! What did you do to Master Kuno?"  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this." He aimed the palm of his hand at Sasuke. A blue  
beam shot out of his hand freezing most of Sasukes body in ice.  
  
Sasuke couldn't believe what he was seeing! His master had been right the whole time!  
It was as if he had just fallen into an episode of the twilight zone! "You... You aren't really  
master Kunos father are you?" Sasuke said. His head was still unfrozen.  
  
He didn't answer the question. Instead he turned to face Sasuke and said " I'll have  
you know that I was out saving the galaxy when you were still in diapers!" He slung Kuno over   
his shoulder and flew off.  
  
"C-c-c-cold!" Sasuke shivered in the ice.  
  
Kuno woke to hear some bickering. "You mechancal moron! Were lucky he's still alive  
after you pumped him full of so many tranquilzers! That was more then enough to kill a normal  
man!"  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."  
  
"Shut up! I didn't program you to say that! Now go do something productive like  
finishing Ranma bot #2!" Ranma bot left Warren and wandered off to finish his task.  
  
Kuno noticed his hands felt squished and he couldn't move his arm. He opened his eyes and  
saw his fore arms were encased in some sort of metal arm restraints. He tried to break free  
but they were too strong. "Ahhh! Finnally awake! I wouldn't try struggling! Not even Yoda   
the most powerful jedi master could hope to break those! And I'm very strong minded, so don't  
think your jedi mind tricks will work on me either!"  
  
"Worthless henchman of Saotome! Release me at once or feel my wrath!"  
  
"HUhahahahaha! You don't get it do you! Your helpless! Your jedi powers are useless in  
those bonds! I can point and laugh at your pathetic excuse for a face and you can't do anything!"  
  
"You fiend! What have you done with my sister!"  
  
Warren had no idea what Kuno was talking about but it was the perfect oppurtunity to  
quote star wars. "Ahhh... sister. If you will not turn to the dark side, perhaps she will!  
Muhahaha!"  
  
"You fiend!"  
  
"Let me get to the point. I kept you alive for a reason. Saotome, this dark sorceror you  
speak of. I heard that he beat the crap out of you on numerous occasions."  
  
"Lies! I would never allow such a thing!"  
  
"Really? I have a video tape of him attacking you with a toranado of some sort from a  
few years back."  
  
"That was dark magic! As such it is not a fair fight and does not count!"  
  
"Yes, that may be the case but that's the thing. I'm an aspiring dark sorceror and mad  
scientist myself. I want to conquer this world but with someone like that for competition it  
could be troublesome. Which is why I want you to teach me to be a jedi wudan master!"  
  
"Feh! One such as you could never learn the ways of a jedi wudan master!"  
  
"Rrhhhgghh!! Ok! I can be patient! I will break you! And then you can teach me!" Warren  
walked behind Kuno and moved a helmet over his head. It was like the one in clockwork  
orange which had the eye pieces that forced a persons eyes open.  
  
"What fiendish deviltry are you working now spawn of hell?"  
  
"I love the way you talk. If I break you, you can teach me to talk like that too. By the  
way this video is my own personal creation. I'm very proud of it!" The video showed a picture  
of a Telitubby and Barney. Barney was dressed like a dominatrix. "I had Andrew play the part  
of Barney. I think he's still scarred from the experience."  
  
"Noooooooooooooooooooo!" Kuno wailed as Barney and the Telitubbys began to do things too  
horrific to discribe.   
  
In the background a soft voice kept on repeating the words "Warren is  
always right. He can do no wrong. If you listen to him you won't have to watch this again."  
  
"Never! I shall never submit to your fiendish devices! Pervert of hell!"  
  
"We'll see if you still feel that way in a few days. Even a Jedi wudan master can break."  
Warren left the room leaving Kuno behind.   
  
After two hours the video looped back to the begining starting the horror all over again.  
Suddenly Kuno felt a tingly sensation. He moved his hand and it seemed to melt through the metal  
restraints. He got up and smashed the TV with a pipe that was on the ground. "Devils invention!  
You won't ensnare me again!"  
  
"Psst over here!" A short chubby man called over to Kuno.  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"Hi. My name is Johnathan. I'm here to rescue you."  
  
Kuno thought for a moment and remembered back to his fight with Ranma bot. The Ranma  
bot had said "I know this hurts! Call out to John!"  
  
"Ring bearer! We meet at last! But I must get you out of this place! If the foul   
sorcerors were to find the one ring, the world would fall to darkness!"  
  
Johnathan was confused. "Ring? What do you mean?" Johnathan fumbled with the pendant he   
had gotten at the sci-fi convention which had a very detailed replica of the ring from the lord  
of the rings movie.  
  
"By the gods! It is the one ring! I never thought I would lay eyes on it! But you must let  
none touch it! Not even I lest I succumb to it's temptation!"  
  
Johnathan had just thought it was a replica but a Jedi wudan master couldn't be wrong.  
A-all right! I'm just glad Warren didn't know I had it."  
  
"Come young hobbit! We must leave this evil place!"  
  
"I'm not a hobbit though!"  
  
"What? You think that the blue thunder does not know a hobbit when he see's one! Of course  
you are!"  
  
"If you say so." Johnathan knew he was adopted. And his feet were a little hairy. This did  
explain a few things.  
  
Kuno slashed the wall with the pipe he had picked up off the floor making a big hole in it.  
He ran off with Johnathan. They didn't even get ten feet from the hole when they heard sirens  
blaring inside the garage. "Oh shit! The emergency alarm! We need to get out of here fast!"  
  
"Fear not young hobbit! My prowess knows no bounds!" He put Johnathan under his arm and   
jumped to the top of a nearby building.  
  
"Auuuggghhh! I'm afraid of heights!"  
  
"But heights are the true place of legendery heros! Fear not! Our destiny awaits!"  
  
"I'm going to puke!" Johnathan whined as Kuno continued jumping from roof top to roof top.  
  
"They got away! Ranma bot! Get down here now!"  
  
As if on que not one but two Ranma bots came out of the lab area. "He got away! Go look  
for him!" Warren decided to go look at the security tape of the room Kuno was in to see how he  
escaped while the bots were out looking for him.   
  
Somewhere in the mountains.  
  
"Were wanted men!" said Ryoga pounding his fist on the ground making a small crater.  
  
"Oh stop sulking. We've got beans afterall." said Ranma taking the can off the fire.  
  
"But what about the next time we need beans! I can't show my face in the supermarket  
when I'm a wanted man!"  
  
"Simple. We'll just shop in our cursed forms. I'm sure this will all be cleared up in a  
few weeks."  
  
"You know Ranma. A little while before I became a wanted man I was captured while I  
was in pig form. I was captured by these strange people who I think were Amaericans. It was  
a horrible experience. They kept me in a cage for days and fed me dog food. But do you know  
what's really weird? I heard them mention your name one time. They also mentioned Kuno a  
couple of times."  
  
"That's weird. I wonder if they were the ones who set me up. I always did wonder how  
Kunos dad got all that money when he was such an idiot. Maybe he took some money from the  
wrong people and they set me up to take the fall when they tried to take their revenge."  
  
"I don't think these people were Yakuza or mafia. None of them looked that old. And....  
they just seemed to goofy to be gangsters."  
  
"But I've never even been to America. It couldn't have been because of me. It must be  
something that idiot did."  
  
"Ranma. I've been thinking. You know how I'm cursed with a bad sense of direction. I think  
you might have a curse like that too. Except yours is for attracting trouble. And it's rubbing  
off on me! I don't like it when curses rub off on me! I have two already!"  
  
"Aww don't be silly Ryoga. Sure stuff seems to happen to me but there's no way I could  
attract trouble!"  
  
"Say Ranma. Is that a grizzly bear sneaking up on you? I didn't think they had those in  
Japan!"  
  
"Roooooooaaaar!"  
  
"I told you Ranma! Your curse got us in trouble!"  
  
"My curse? Your curse got us lost in some place that isn't even Japan!"  
  
"Ranma this is all your fault!"  
  
"No it's not! It's your fault!"  
  
"Is not!"  
  
"Is too!"  
  
"Rooooaaarrr!"  
  
"Gyaaahh! More bears and a pack of wolves! Ranma, turn off your curse and stop attracting  
trouble!"  
  
"I will when you get us back to Japan!"  
  
Andrew sat in a wooden chair decorated with paper mache to look like a thrown at the top   
of St Bacchus school for girls. He wore some shabby looking cosplay robes and a fake beared. He  
even had a plastic sceptor. "Muhahaha! I am Sarumon the fallen wizard! Fear my power!" he said  
but given his whiney pansy of a personality it came out sounding incredibly pathtic.  
  
His pager suddenly vibrated and he pulled out his phone. "This is Warren. That weak minded  
fool Johnathan has been taken over by our jedi freind. He let him escape and now their both on  
the move. Alert your demons at once!"  
  
Kuno and Johnathan both stopped to rest in the middle of the shopping district. Not as many  
people were out at this time of night. "So tell me. Who is master yoda? The sorceror spoke of  
him as if he was one of great power."  
  
"What? You don't know who Yoda is? He's right there on the poster." Kuno looked over  
at a star wars poster.  
  
"I know that man!"  
  
"Wow! You knew Yoda!"  
  
"Indeed. But not very well. This yoda used to work at a Chinese restruant that closed  
down around the same time the sorceror Saotome left. He was indeed a powerful fighter.  
However I believe Yoda left for China recently with the Shampoo, another who was ensnared by  
the sorcerors charms."  
  
"Wow! I still can't believe it! The Jedi and the ring are both real!"  
  
Kuno seemed to be thinking for a moment. "We must go!"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"To China so that I may seek training from master Yoda!" 


	9. An order for Toraka

Kuno vs the fould sorcerors  
Ep 8: An order for Toraka  
  
Notes: The order of Toraka are a group of supernatural assassins from the third Buffy season.  
There's supposed to be an unlimited amount of them. Only two made an appearance on Buffy,  
both were killed and the assasination decree was lifted. However there's many more of their  
number out there waiting to destroy at the command of whoever summoned them. The reason Haruko  
is using Kuno as a guide is because the events in FLCL didn't happen in this universe, she  
didn't meet Amaro back when he was a kid either so she had no oppurtunity to learn the   
geography of the area. This is why she's using Kuno as a guide.  
  
Both the Ranma bots had returned empty handed. Warren began to throw a fit and trashed his  
toaster oven on the ground. "That's it! I don't care anymore! I can take over the world without  
their help! As of now both of them are dead men!" Warren began to leaf through some Andrew and  
Johnathans magic books. He knew he had seen what he was looking for somewhere in one of them.  
Finnally he found it in one of Andrews books. "Yes. The order of Toraka. I'll use them. Sooner  
or later they'll be able to take them out."  
  
Andrew had never liked the idea of using the order of Toraka given the unpredictable nature  
of the supernatural assassins. But this escape and betrayal had been one more straw on the back  
of someone who already had alot of straws. And whenever things got tough for Warren he had the  
tendency to get a little crazy. "Yes! Run! Run as far as you can my little jedi! I'll see  
that you suffer a most painful death for turning down my offer!"  
  
Kuno and Johnathan were waiting in the air port. "I was kind of expecting something a   
little less commercial when you said we were going to China."  
  
"Ahhh... Indeed I have over ways of going. However all the previous times I used them  
I was thrown to the ocean blue. Tatewaki Kuno will not suffer such things again. Besides  
this is the swiftest way to get there! I must train so that I may defeat the villain! Time is  
of the essence!"  
  
"I guess so." Johnathan was watching a tiny hooded figure snaeking around in the shadows.  
It was small enough to be a child. But no adults were around it. Then it looked at them. Under  
the hood were two glowing eyes.  
  
"Look! It's a jawa! I can't believe it!" Johnathan was about to go get a closer look when  
Kuno stopped him.  
  
"That jawa is an agent of the dark one. I can feel it in my bones. I shall handle this!"  
Kuno wasn't allowed to carry his sword on the plane and it was in the luggage. He grabbed a golf  
club out of some guys carry on bag and appraoched the hooded figure. "I see that once again  
the sorceror is sending others to do what he is afraid to. I have no qualm with you, only with  
your master. Go now and I shall spare your life." The little hooded figure looked at him for   
a moment like he was nuts and then it whipped a giant scythe from behind its back. It swung it  
down barely missing him and splitting the tiled floor.  
  
"Midget of evil! I will show you the power of tall people!" Kuno took the golf club and  
used his multi strike technique. The strange creature that resembled a jawa didn't know what   
hit him and fell over dead. Kuno walked over to the man he took it from and handed back the  
club stained with blue blood. "Tis a worthy weapon. Take good care of it." The man was  
speechless and seemed somewhat afraid to touch it. Kuno walked to the fallen figure and took  
a ring with some strange symbols off its finger. All the members of the order of Toraka wore  
rings like this so they could identify each other. Kuno came to a different conclusion about  
its meaning though. "A ring wraith! They know we are here! We must depart immediatly!It   
is not safe here!"  
  
The air port was already in an uproar because of the strange dead thing on the floor   
which was slowly dissolving. Out on top of one of the communication towers stood Ranma bot  
#1. He held his arms above him exposing a silver sphere on each fore arm. All the lights in  
the air port began to dim and the planes on the runways all stopped. He pointed both hands in  
the genneral direction of the area Kuno was in. Several arcs of lightning went between his  
hands as he formed a ball of plasma. Then it shot in the direction of where Kuno and Johnathan  
were.  
  
Watching all this was a pink haired girl riding on a vespa with a guitar. "Taro kuns   
here!"  
  
Kuno only had time to look behind him as the ball of white hot energy melted through the  
wall and headed straight for him. He had no way of even trying to block it without a weapon.  
Then suddenly before it could hit there was a bang and the ball was knocked in the opposite  
direction. It flew out through the ceiling. "Hoooy! Taro kun!"  
  
"What! This cannot be! The pink haired guitar waving bunny girl from my dream!" Haruko  
wasn't wearing the bunny outfit now though. She was dressed in a red sleevless leather jacket  
over a pale yellow shirt with tight black pants and biker boots. She also wore flight goggles  
over her pink hair. "If you are real then maybe....." BAM! She hit him over the head with her  
guitar.  
  
"Gyaaah! You can't do that to a Jedi Wudan master! Wait a minute! You couldn't even react  
fast enough! Is she your master?"  
  
"Naaay. Just an aquantance. But what business do you have with Tatewaki Kuno, guitar  
waving bunny girl? And you will not refer to me as Taro Kun. You will call me Blue Thunder  
or Sempai."  
  
"Then Taro kun should stop calling me guitar waving bunny girl. I'm Haruhara Haruko, age  
19!"  
  
"Ahhh but is it not the custom to introduce ones name first, I am..." BAM!  
  
"I know who you are dambass! Your Taro kun!"  
  
"Infernal woman! I shall smite you!" Kuno normally held back against women but something  
about her just pissed him off so much he went all out. He grabbed back the gold club and  
used his multistrike technique but Haruko weaved around his attacks with even greater ease  
then Ranma could ever hope to. The brick wall behind Haruko shattered and she slammed her   
guitar down on Kunos head.  
  
"WOW! That was so cool! You must be a cryptonian to be so fast!" Johnathan said in aww.  
  
Haruko looked at Kunos head again and said "Just as I suspected. Only useful as a guide."  
She took out a permanent marker and drew an X on Kunos fore head. Then she walked over to  
Johnathan. "Your even more of a Taro Kun then Taro kun is. I've never seen a head with so much  
junk." she drew an X on Johnathans head too.  
  
"A cryptonian drew an X on my head!" several police officers began moving through the  
crowds. "Oh man! I don't want to go to the big house! We need to get out of here!"  
  
"Indeed! We must leave for China at once!"  
  
"China? You promised to be my guide. I'm going to hold you to that."  
  
"What? Vile mistress! Tatewaki Kuno shall never be a slave of women!" She smacked him  
over the head again.  
  
"But I must go to China so I may train to defeat the sorceror!"  
  
"Are there a lot of people in China?"  
  
"Indeed. It is a very large country."  
  
"I guess there's a good chance I could find someone with a good head there.  
Ok, we go to China then. Just get me a map and I'll fly you there myself."  
  
"Young Hobbit! Fetch the guitar waving bunny girl a map!" Johnathan began to walk  
towards one of the air port convenience stores to see if they had a map.  
  
But before he could get there someone shouted "Freeze!" they were surrounded by police  
officers. "Hands in the air and step this way!"  
  
"Oh man! The big house!"  
  
"Leave chibi Taro kun alone!" Haruko pointed her guitar at the cops. A gun barrel came  
out of the top of it and she let loose a spray of bullets. The cops all dove for cover.  
  
"Oh man! Oh man! You shot at the cops! The big house! Not the big house!"  
  
"Get me the map or I leave you!" Johnathan grabbed a world map and handed it to Haruko.  
Haruko whistled. Haruko had slung her guitar over her shoulder again so the cops began to   
approach her again but before they could a driverless yellow vespa moter scooter plowed through   
them and stopped next to Haruko.  
  
"Get on. Were leaving."  
  
"But we could not go to China in such a vehicle!"  
  
"Just get on Taro kun!" Kuno and Johnathan got on behind Haruko and the scooter began to  
levitate into the air. The cops below were so astonished they didn't bother firing. Haruko  
blasted through the ceiling with her guitar and they flew off with Johnathan barely hanging on.  
  
"Oh god! I'm going to puke!I should have became a telemarketer!" Johnathan whined as  
they flew higher.  
  
"What sorcery is this? Was this sort of vehicle not banned by the ministry of magic?"  
Kuno had recently read the Harry potter books.  
  
"Shut up dumbass! It's just an ordinary scooter!"  
  
"Then you really are a cryptonian! Your using your powers to levitate us!"  
  
"I'm kicking off the next person who says anything!" The cops below watched as the scooter  
became nothing more then a dot in the sky. A large creature resembling a big blue gorrila with  
wings who wore an identicle ring to the mini reaper walked out to join in the site  
seeing.   
  
"They got away didn't they?" it asked.  
  
"They sure did, I never thought I'd see the day when...Holy shit!" The cop fell off his  
feet pointing his gun at the creature.  
  
"You can't kill me with that. Even if you could, a thousand more would rise up to take my  
place." the blue gorrila flew off in the direction the vespa headed.  
  
Warren had seen it all from Ranma bots camera. He looked like he was about to have an  
aneurism. "What is going on here? Does the universe hate me so much? Well I did summon the  
order of Toraka. It's only a matter of time now."  
  
"Hey Warren. That pink haired chick was kind of hot wasn't she? But Johnathans guitar is  
so small he won't have a chance! Hahaha" Andrew began to laugh idioticly.  
  
"Andrew shut up! They may have gotten away but now will be the perfect time to initiate  
my plan with their absence. Warren walked over to the other room. The big container they had  
stolen was empty. But sitting next to it was a strange figure. It looked like a patchwork of  
human, demon and machine parts. Warren had a couple of weird machines hooked up to it. "This is  
Adam. The prototype for the ultimate warrior, even if he is defeated in battle he can upgrade  
himself to become ever more powerful. But all this is useless without his power core which was  
lost under unknown cercumstances. But with my plan he will walk again. Imagine having an army  
of soldiers like this. Each one of them becoming ever more powerful after each battle."  
  
"Sort of like a Saiyan."  
  
"A better comparison for our freind here would be cell. He is the pefect warrior. And he  
will be mine to command. Yes! Everything is going according to schedual!" Warren tried to  
do the Gendo pose where he rested his chin on both his hands in a way that they covered  
up his mouth.   
  
Ranma bot stood behind him the sort of way Fuyutski always did with Gendo and said  
"I'm Ranma Soatome. Sorry about this."  
  
"Ranma bot! You completely ruined my moment."  
  
Elsewhere  
  
"Where are we now?" Ranma and Ryoga had gotten lost in a forest somewhere and chased by  
wild animals the other day. They had hid inside a cave and got lost inside the system of tunnels  
Ryoga had gotten lost underground before so it wasn't that big a problem.   
  
"I'm pretty sure were close to the top now. I'll just blast some of this rubble out of  
the way." Ryoga fired off a full powered Shi Shi Hokodan.  
  
In the streets of Tokyo the famous Seiyuu Mitsuishi Motokono had just parked her car. She  
had only walked about twenty feet from it when a huge burst of greenish light blasted her car  
high into the air. It landed up side down on top of a nearby beef bowl restruant. Ryoga and  
Ranma both poked their heads out of the hole. "Wow! I don't know how but were back in Japan!"  
  
"Officers! Those men destroyed my car!"  
  
"What! How could you do that to the person who does the voice of Misato!" The police   
began to advance but when they got a closer look they backed off and said "That's Ranma   
Saotome! We need back up! Saotome smashed Mitsuishi Motokono's car!" A shocked voice on  
the other end of the walkie talkie said something indescernable. Ranma could hear some sirens.  
Not just a few, it sounded like all the police on Tokyo were rapidly converging on their area.  
  
"Ranma! This is all your fault!"  
  
"What! Your the one who smashed her car!"  
  
"Yeah but your trouble attracting curse made her park there!" While Ranma and Ryoga  
were bickering they were slowly being surrounded by hundreds of cops.  
  
"Uhh... Ryoga. Maybe this isn't the best time for this converstaion."  
  
"We have you surrounded! Put your hands where we can see them!" suddenly about twenty  
Happo fire bursts landed in various areas. Police cars began exploding all over the place. The  
police didn't know what to do and began firing randomly in the smoke. One bullet wizzed towards  
Ranmas head. Even with his reflexes he couldn't hope to dodge. But the bullet never connected.  
Happosai sat on top of Ranmas head. He had stopped the bullet with the tip of his finger. It   
fell harmlessly to the ground.  
  
"Well lets go. My trick won't distract them for long!" From the looks of things  
Happosai had added in a smoke screen mixture with his usual explosives. The cops were  
fumbling around in the dark. The three of them jumped up to the roof of the beef bowl  
place where Mitsuishis car had impacted. Then they jumped to a higher building where they   
saw grafiti written in big red letters across an office building that said "Ranma Saotome  
was here!"  
  
"I didn't write that!" Ranma began to freak out.  
  
"Of course you didn't, Ranma m boy! I wrote it!"  
  
"What? WHY?!"  
  
"Training motivation. I did the same thing with Genma and Soun when they were your age  
when I trained them in China. Always have to be on your toes when the authorities are after  
you!"  
  
"Ranma! Look at this!" Ryoga showed Ranma a news paper.  
  
The headline read "Japans most infamous underwear theif Ranma Saotome strikes again!  
Pop idols pantys gone with mocking note : Ranma did this!"  
  
"You old goat!" Ranma looked like he was about to kill the old man.   
  
"I just saved you! You should show more gratitude towards your master!"  
  
"You! You! You!"  
  
"Ranma Saotome! Give yourself up!" A helicopter showed a spotlight on them.  
  
"Looks like it's time to go!" Happosai bounded off with Ranma and Ryoga chasing him with  
several helicopters chasing them. 


	10. Nabiki meets the Dark lord

Kuno vs the fowl sorcerors  
Ep 10: Nabiki meets the "Dark Lord"!  
  
Authors notes: For those who don't know about Adam the cyborg thingy the trio took from the base,  
he's the villain from season 4 of Buffy. Buffy was only able to defeat him after breifly gaining  
god like powers thanks to some weird spell that Willow cast on her. She ended up ripping out   
his power core and sending it to another dimension. Admonisher is a character from the Violator  
side story in the spawn comics. His real name was never put in it to my knowledge so I made  
one up. I think he's supposed to be a parody of the punisher. Basically  
he's a very skilled mercenery with a few screws loose. Yomiko Readman is from the anime Read  
or Die. These guys aren't my property. If you think they are your as crazy as Kuno. The   
initiative is a secret government organization monitoring demon activities from season four  
of Buffy.  
  
Ukyo and Nabiki had been following up all the leads they could on Ranma. So far they had   
narrowed down the most recent sighting to areas in Tokyo and Nerima. Neither of which were  
anywhere near each other. Ukyo had left for Tokyo the other day while Nabiki checked out the  
part of town Ranma was most often seen in. After a few hours of searching for clues it looked  
like she wasn't going to find anything. Then she noticed someone who looked vaguely familiar.  
It was a red haired teenager. He was one of the guys asking her about Kuno earlier. He was  
waving at something in the sky. Then suddenly what appeared to be Ranma landed in front of him   
carrying a McDonalds bag. He handed it to him with an emotionless expression on his face. Then  
one of the other Americans came out and started smacking the red haired guy on the head and   
yelling at him. Ranma really didn't seem to be paying attention to what either of them were  
saying. After that all three of them went inside the garage.  
  
"Something strange is going on here. Was Ranma taking orders from them?" Maybe they had  
found some way of gaining control of Ranma. But that still didn't explain his new powers. Nabiki  
snuck around the area trying to get a look inside. She was about half way around the building  
when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see the same demon she had seen doing something  
to Kuno in the hospital. she tried to scream but it put a hand over her mouth and took her inside  
the garage.  
  
"Graaauuggh!" said the demon waving to Andrew and Warren.  
  
"Who is that?"  
  
"She's a freind of the Jedi's!" said Warren getting up. "Doesn't look like she is a jedi   
though. Your freind handeled her pretty easy."  
  
"Uhhh what do we do with her? Can we freeze her in carbonite? Huh? can we?"  
  
"Don't do anything yet. And have Ranma bot tie her up. I'm not confident in your demon  
freinds pointy claws." Ranma bot grabbed Nabiki and tied her to a chair.  
  
"Ranma! Why are you doing this to me? Who are these people?"  
  
"Ranma? I thought you were a freind of Kunos. Oh man we really hit the jack pot! We  
caught ourselves a double agent!" said Warren grinning.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Your pretending to be Kuno's freind but you actually work for the dark sorceror   
Ranma!"  
  
"Wait? If he's not Ranma?"  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."  
  
"That's my state of the art combat robot. I thought it would be a convenient disguise. The  
real Ranma is a powerful dark sorceror. The way I made my robot, anyone who sees him shouldn't  
know the difference."  
  
"Oh I see how it is now. You people must be joking. You bought into Kunos delusions and   
are forming some hair brained scheme around them."  
  
"Delusions? What do you mean? We have every reason to believe he's telling the truth!"  
  
"Kuno believes it's the truth too, but that doesn't mean that's how things are."  
  
"People who can cut apart demons with wooden swords always know what their talking about!  
He's a jedi wudan master and a foe to reckoned with!" said Andrew.  
  
"You people are crazier then Kuno! Untie me now you little twerps!"  
  
"Now don't be so hasty!" Warren said advancing on her.  
  
"If you join us we can give you riches beyond anything Kuno or Ranma could offer you.  
Afterall, your talking to the future ruler of the planet!" Nabiki burst out laughing in  
Warrens face.  
  
"You? Ruler of the planet?"  
  
"Yes you can laugh now but as you can see my technological genius surpasses those of any  
of our worlds governments. And not only that but we have access to powerful dark magics!"  
  
"First off, you people are wasting your time. I can see that the robot is very advanced.  
I wouldn't have thought it possible to make something like that when sony can barely make one  
that can walk up a flight of stairs. Listen, if you guys untie me, drop the supervillain act  
and help me clear Ranmas name. I'll be willing to help you market your robots. We could be   
millionaires."  
  
"No. That won't do. I have my goals set higher then that. I won't settle for anything  
less then to sit on the worlds thrown!"  
  
"How can someone smart enough to build such a complex machine be such an idiot! Let me  
out of here! What the hell is your name anyway?"  
  
"I'm the dark lord Sauron!"  
  
Andrew fumbled with his fake beared "And I'm Sarumon the fallen wizard!"  
  
"My god! I have never met such idiots! If you don't let me out right now I'll mmmpph!"  
  
"Quite! I can't stand bossy women!" Warren slapped some duct tape over her mouth.  
  
"What are going to do with her now?"  
  
"Oh yeah. I was going to interrigate her. I guess the duct tape will have to come off."  
  
"Mmmmmppphhh!!!!"  
  
"Can she be one of my wives when we rule the world? I think she's hot!" said Andrew  
  
"Go ahead. I don't like bossy women."  
  
"Can I uhhh.... touch your boobs? Were like going to be married and stuff so it's ok  
right? I also want to marry Scully from the X-files. When were married both of you can have  
sex with me at once."  
  
"Mmmmmppppphhhh!!!!"  
  
"Maybe we should get one of our pacifying devices first." but before they could do   
anything more there was a knock on the door. "Andrew could you go get that?"  
  
Andrew walked over to the door. He opened it and saw about fifty American operatives  
dressed in black aiming machhine guns at the door. Andrew closed the door. "Uhhh... I think it's  
for you."  
  
"For me? Why the hell would anyone want..."  
  
"We know your in there! Come out with your hands up!"  
  
"Shit! It's the man! How did they track us down so fast?" a tear gas grenade  
smashed through the window and several soldiers smashed through the door. Andrew and Warren ran  
towards the back area with one of the Ranma bots. The soldiers began to walk into the area,  
one of them began to walk towards the tied up Nabiki.  
  
"Sir! We have a civilian here!" He began to untie her ropes, but before the soldier could  
do anymore Ranma bot two had grabbed him by the neck and was holding him in the air. Two more  
Ranma bots and Andrews dream demon stepped out of the shadows. The soldiers began firing on   
them. The dream demon seemed to hurt from the bullet hits but they didn't kill it. The Ranma   
bots weren't fazed at all.  
  
"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this." all three of them said at once. One of them began  
freezing soldiers while another let loose with a blast of fire. The last one fired off blasts of  
lightning. It didn't take long for them to take down every last one of the soldiers. Nabiki   
managed to get out of her ropes and ran out the back door.   
  
One of the Ranma bots turned to look at her. "Exterminate! Exterminate!" it said in the  
voice of the Daleks from Dr Who. Nabiki ran down the alley when the wall exploded and Ranma bot  
three came out. She quikly ducked around a corner. She had to get out of here. Nabiki ran  
through the alley until she found a bike that someone had left unlocked. In Japan, due to the  
low crime rate people aren't as careful about things like bikes. Nabiki swiped the bike and   
rode off.   
  
When she got to a more crowded area of town she got off and looked around. It didn't seem  
to have followed her. People were going about their business and shopping. Nothing seemed   
unusual. Then Nabiki felt a tap on her shoulder. She nearly jumped out of her skin  
but was relieved ,if somewhat annoyed to hear a voice say "Have you heard of Jehovas witnesses?"  
  
Nabiki turned to tell off whoever tapped her but standing right behind her was Ranma bot.  
"Have you heard of Jehovas witnesses?" he said.  
  
"Oh no!" Ranma bot extended his blades on one hand and grabbed her around the throat with  
the other hand. Several people tried to pry him off her but it was no use. Anyone who came  
close was thrown back by an elecktric shock. Then there was a gun shot and Ranma bots head was  
knocked slightly to the left.  
  
"I'm Batman. Sorry about this." he said as he turned to see a wounded soldier holdling a  
gun.  
  
"Stop right there you freak!"  
  
"I can't do that Dave." the robot dropped Nabiki and began to approach the soldier.  
He fired repeatedly at the robot but it did no good. "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this!"  
it grabbed the soldier around the neck.  
  
"Not today stud!" A dark brunette girl came out of nowhere and side kicked the robot  
across the face.  
  
"Faith?" asked the soldier.  
  
"We thought you might need our help so we were coming over."  
  
"I'm here as well." said another voice that Nabiki recognized.  
  
"Pantywhose Taro?" Nabiki said as she saw the effeminant Chinese boy with the Pantywhose  
around his waste step out of the shadows next to her.  
  
"Don't call me that!"  
  
"Those teenagers!! They had some real monsters! They didn't activate Adam but it's almost  
as bad as if they had." said the soldier lying on the ground.  
  
"You said you probably wouldn't need us to deal with a couple of teenagers so we went to  
go get something to eat." said Taro. Faith was barely holding her own against the Ranma bot.  
  
"Great! Was admonisher and Yomiko with you?"  
  
"This is like trying to attack a truck! How about a little help Pantywhose!"  
  
"Don't call me that!"  
  
"Ok! Ok! just help! Eaaaahh!" the Ranma bots pigtail shot out. It was connected to a cable  
with sharp barb on the end. It impaled Faith on the arm and the Ranma bot sent a high voltage  
burst out elecktrocuting her. Pantywhose dumped some water over his head and he changed into  
his demonic looking cursed form. He grabbed the Ranma bot around the leg and smashed him into   
the ground repeatedly.   
  
The soldier crawled over to Faith. She was alive but unconcious. Pantywhose slammed the  
robot through a nearby brick wall. Some of its clothes and fake skin was ripped off but other   
then that it was undamaged. "Groouu!" said Pantywhose which roughly translated to "What the hell  
is that thing made of?"  
  
"Damn it Jim! I'm a doctor not an engineer!" the robot said as it got to its feet.  
  
"I think it's time for a severe repramanding!" said a deep voiced and slightly crazed  
male voice, a blond man with fairly short hair and lots of guns came out and began firing on  
Ranma bot with two desert eagles. When he ran out of ammo he pulled out an assault rifle and  
kept firing. That didn't work either. He was about to get out a grenade launcher when Ranma bot  
walked up to the man and decked him with one blow sending him flying across the street and into  
a ramen stand.  
  
"Idiot!" said the robot.  
  
"Oh really! I think you should have a time out Roosevelt!" The man pulled out a  
detonator. Ranma looked down to see that before he had punched the man he had planted a  
small explosive on his endoskeliton.  
  
"I am invincible!" the robot shouted in a badly done Russian accent. And then it exploded  
in a ball of fire.  
  
"Take that Roosevelt!" Nabiki wondered for a moment why he was calling the robot Roosevelt  
when the robot stepped out of the fire. Its clothes and skin were burn't off but it was still  
going. "No way! You want another time out!?!"  
  
"I told you I was invincible!" as soon as the robot said that what appeared to be a paper  
air plane hit it on the head. the paper air plane impaled its metal skull and the robot jerked  
around and fell down. "And I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling  
sons of bi-" and the robot died.  
  
A girl who looked like a young librarian with big square glasses ran up to Riley and  
said "I'm so sorry we were late! The whole mission got ruined!"  
  
"Don't be. It was my fault. I underestimated the enemy. I just thought they were a couple  
of teenagers we could handle without you. But we can't make the same mistake again. From now  
on we work together." Riley remembered back to his breifing on the situation.  
  
"Now Mr. Finn. I'm sure after reading the report you are aware of our reasons for   
choosing you for this mission."  
  
"It's because of my experience in dealing with Adam, the prototype demonoid during his  
previous activation."  
  
"Correct. Were trusting your judgement with how to go through with this operation. You   
will be working with four civilians we hired because of their special abilities. You are only  
to allow them to go into action if Adam is activated."  
  
"Why is that sir?"  
  
"I was getting to that part. I believe you were breifly aquanted with one of them."  
He handed Riley a picture.  
  
"Faith!"  
  
"Yes. The rogue Slayer who was incarcerated not long ago. We've agreed to undo her  
sentance if she does some missions for us. She is a known felon, although she has agreed to  
our terms I would like you to keep a closs eye on her."  
  
Riley had some misgivings already. The last time he had encountered Faith she had taken  
over his ex girl freinds body and slept with him.  
  
"This next person is the mercenery known as the Admonisher. His real name is Jean Jaques  
Caligula Cassidy. He's an extremely skilled hired gun. I want you to keep an eye on him as  
well. He has the reputation of shooting first and asking questions later. And although it's  
never been proven it's been rumored he sometimes works as a hitman for the mafia."  
  
"With all due respect I'm really not going for this sir."  
  
"I know. But these are the best people for the job. This is Pantywhose Taro."  
  
"WHAT?!? I mean sir, that name!"  
  
"Yes that is his name. He should be easier to work with then the other two. Just don't  
call him by his full name. He's very touchy about that. About a year ago an iniative team  
working in China was under seige by a large number of demons. They were saved by this man.  
We offered to pay him to work for us but he declined. However he said he would be willing to  
do it if we found a way to change his name. We made a deal with his village, they'll get  
economic benefits from us and Taro would get his name changed if he worked with us for a year.  
There's one other thing. When Taro gets splashed with cold water he's cursed to change into  
a chimera like beast. Here's the picture. Other then that he's a virtual unknown to us."  
  
"Sounds like he could be trouble too."  
  
"This last person is Yomiko Readman. She's the only one among them who doesn't have  
a checkered background. She's an agent of the British Royal Library."  
  
"A librarian?"  
  
"That's just a code name. The British Royal libary is actually a secret peace keeping   
organization that will be working with us on this. Her code name is "The paper" due to her  
power."  
  
"What power?"  
  
"You'll see when you meet her. I'm sure she'll be more then glad to give you a demo  
of her abilities."  
  
"Great! I'm going to be working with a woman who sexually violated me, a trigger happy  
maniac, a guy named after underwear and a librarian."  
  
"Well yes that's more or less how things are. But I must stress that you must do your best  
at keeping them out of trouble. If you bring them with you to capture the teenagers most likely  
they could end up dead. Only use them if it's absolately nessecery. In other words not unless  
Adam is somehow reactivated."  
  
"SIR!"  
  
The present  
  
Nabiki just stood there in awe watching her saviors brushing themselves off. "Just who  
are you people?"  
  
"I'm Riley Finn. I think you should come with us." Even as he was talking a large ball of  
fire erupted in the area Nabiki knew was the hide out of those strange people who had captured  
her.  
  
"Shit! They must have had the place rigged!"  
  
meanwhile  
  
Some how Ranma and Ryoga had gotten themselves seperated from Happosai. They weren't   
complaining. "Ryoga picked up another news paper. It just so happened to be the same paper  
which had featured the demon bank robber story in an earlier issue. The headline was "Ranma  
Saotome: Most wanted man in Japan, still at large!" There was a big picture of Ranma on the  
cover and a small blurred picture in the corner that had the caption "Ranmas partner in crime"  
  
Ryoga had almost come to terms with his issues with Ranma after the wedding but lately  
it was all flooding back to him. All the humiliations he had at Ranmas hands. His curse which  
happened because of Ranma. And how Ranma seemed to upstage him in everything they did. Ryoga  
continued reading the story. "Angry Evangelion fans ransack Tendo dojo, the former home of  
Ranma Saotome. When asked to comment Soun Tendo, the current owner burst out in tears  
screaming "OH THE HUMANITY!". Soun Tendo had no idea of the boys current whereabouts."  
  
Then Ryoga glanced at another area where they interviewed one of the people who had broke  
into the Tendo dojo. "How dare Ranma wreck Mitsuishi samas car! This is an affront to fans of  
Misato Katsuragi everywhere! I haven't been this mad since they killed her off in end of EVA.  
I demand that Ranma Saotome and that bandanna guy be brought to swift justice!"  
  
"Just who do you think the bandana guy is?"  
  
"I don't know. But who cares! He's just some guy in a bandana."  
  
"So! I'm just some guy in a bandana am I!?!" Ryoga ripped apart the paper.  
  
"What's up p-chan?"  
  
That was the straw that broke the camels back. The thin line between sanity and insanity  
suddenly became very blurry for Ryoga. "Ranma! I'm the one who blew up that car  
and they think you did it! How dare you take the blame for a crime I committed! Ranma this is  
all your fault!"  
  
"W-what?!?"  
  
"Bakusai Tenkatsu!" Ryoga hit the floor they were standing on and they fell through the   
pavement Ranma was standing on. Ranma back flipped away from him.  
  
"Ryoga have you lost it! Were in public! We can't be seen!"  
  
"Ranma! It's all your fault that everyone thinks it's all your fault!" Ranma katsu  
tenshin Amarigurikened him in the face. Ryoga shook his head "Oh! Sorry. I didn't know   
what came over me. What were we talking about?"  
  
"Never mind! We've got to get out of here!"  
  
Several cops and Happosai were rapidly approaching. "Their over here officers!" shouted  
Happosai gleefully.  
  
"Wow! We sure are lucky that senior citizens like you are so into helping public  
servants."  
  
"Just doing my duty!"  
  
"Doing his duty my ass!" Ranma said as they both cleared a ten foot wall. They could  
hear some thuds and groans on the other side. Happosai hopped over the wall and landed next  
to them.  
  
"I guess I lost you for awhile. You know it was much better when I did this sort of  
training in China with Genma and Soun. I mean the only thing these pathetic cops are good  
for is speed training. You'll get much better adversaries in China."  
  
"I aint going! I've got to clear my name!"  
  
"Oh really! Have you forgotten what's in China?"  
  
"What's in China?" asked Ranma and Ryoga.  
  
Happosai fell over "The spring of drowned man you idiots!". Of course Happosai had no  
intention of letting Ranma into the spring but it would make good motivation.  
  
"Oh yeah! Well in that case I guess we could go. How are we going?"  
  
"How else? Were swimming! Ranma it's my opinion as your master that you could use  
some improvement on your backstroke. Besides I'm such an old man I need a soft place to  
rest and...." Ranma and Ryoga both stomped on him.  
  
"Ran chan! You really are here!" Ukyo had heard the bakusai tenkatsu explosion and came  
running.  
  
"U-Uchan!"  
  
"Oh Ranma! You aren't really a dark corceror are you?!? You aren't really Kunos dad!?  
Please say it isn't true!"  
  
Ryoga Ranma and even Happosai just looked at her in stunned silence "Uhhhh....."  
was the only thing Ranma managed to say in response. 


	11. You wascawy wabbit!

Kuno vs the foul sorcerors  
Ep 11: you wascawy wabbit!  
  
It had been nearly a day since Kuno, Johnathan and Haruko arrived in China. "I'm   
begining to think I would have been better off without a guide on this planet. Look where  
you people got me!"  
  
"Fear not! The vengeance of heaven is slow but sure. We have made it to China. It cannot  
be long before master Yoda is found!" Of course China did happen to be one of the largest countrys  
in the world. But Kuno wouldn't let a little thing like geography get in the way of the blue  
thunder!  
  
"Whatever Taro Kun. It's late I'm going to bed!" Haruko pulled a sleeping bag out from  
somewhere. Johnathan wondered where she had kept that. There was no room on the vespa for any  
other stuff with all of them piled on.  
  
"Say. Your some kind of alien right!?! So tell me, how is the political stability in the  
New Republic?"  
  
"Ask him. I'm going to bed."  
  
"We don't have any place to sleep. Can we uhhh..."  
  
"Not in a million years you lecherous little monkey. Besides three people couldn't fit."  
  
Kuno was beating around the bushes with the golf club he had gotten from the air port.  
"Real men need no such conveniences! Have at thee fiend!" He chopped down some trees with  
his golf club. Kuno despite anything he might say was not an experienced outdoorsman. The fire  
had been dying down so he was gathering fire wood so that they wouldn't get too cold in the   
night. Kuno dragged one of the trees he had just chopped down to the fire. Of course given that  
they were lost in some obscure wilderness area of China the whole place was very damp. With a   
heave Kuno smashed the huge log down on the fire completely putting it out.  
  
"Glad I'm not vulnerable to cold temperatures like you monkeys. Good night." Haruko began  
to snore.  
  
"Uhhhh....so where should we sleep?" asked Johnathan.  
  
"I shall go slay some trees so that we may make a bed of lumber!"  
  
"I know some magic spells. I'll try to change them into something we can sleep on. But I   
have to warn you, I'm still not 100% confident in my more complex transformation spells."  
  
"Ahhh! Indeed young hobbit you are one of the children from the age of magic. Very well  
then! I have the utmost confidence in you abilities!" Johnathan began to chant and wave his  
magic bone at the pile of logs. The logs vanished. "Where did they go?"  
  
"Uhoh. I think I did the wrong spell. I just can't concetrate when its this cold out."  
Johnathan poked around until he found what he was looking for. The logs were on the other side  
of the camp fire. "Yeah, I really messed up. I changed the logs into wood!"  
  
In the morning  
  
Haruko yawned and got up. "That was a pretty good sleep!" Kuno and Johnathan were both   
sitting by a new fire with dark circles around their eyes.  
  
"Young hobbits sorcery needs practice..." Kuno muttered. Haruko looked over at a pile of  
logs which had sprouted furr and feathers. One of them had changed into rubber.  
  
"So what's for breakfast?"  
  
"Uhhh... well we thought that since you got that sleeping bag out of nowhere maybe you  
had some food too." said Johnathan.  
  
"Nope. Completely fogot to bring any!" Haruko said beaming at them.  
  
"Very well then! I shall go slay us a beast! Tend to the fire woman, until I return!"  
Haruko slammed her guitar into his face sending him flying into a tree.  
  
"Well go slay it already!"  
  
"Infernal woman!" Kuno muttered wandering off into the forest. He was too burned out to  
try to fight her right now. He came to a clearing and a white bunny rabbit sat in the middle  
of it. "Ahhh! The beast hath emerged! I must say that I hold no graudge against you or your  
kin, however if we are to survive one of us must perish! Have at thee fiend!"  
Kuno ran towards the rabbit which dove down a hole.  
  
"What cowardly battle tactics are you engaging in? Fight me like a man, vermin from hell  
, I shall smite thee!" Kuno crouched next to the hole and put his face up to it. The rabbit  
came out of another hole behind him. it head butted Kunos behind causing him to plunge head  
first into the hole. His legs flayed back and forth helplessly as he uttered all sorts of   
curses. Kunos hands searched around until he found the golf club. He used his multistrike  
technique to shatter the ground in front of him. He broke away from the hole.  
  
"That was no ordinary rabbit! No doubt one of Saotomes minions trying to drag me  
straight to hell! I shall not be defeated by you!" Kuno went nuts attacking the ground.  
The rabbit would occaisionally poke its head out of a hole. Kuno would strike at the ground  
and the rabbit would pop out of another hole.  
  
"I must admit! You are a worthier foe then I had expected! But be it one, hole or a   
thousand! Your head shall meet my cold samurai steel in the end! You cannot hide forever  
hell spawn!" The ground caved in under Kunos feet getting his legs stuck two feet into the  
ground.  
  
"Where's Taro kun? I wonder if he got anything to eat."  
  
"Don't worry. He's a jedi wudan master! Getting food should be easy for him."  
  
Kuno walked over to the fire carrying what looked like an arm full of carrots. An angry  
looking rabbit was sneaking around in the bushes about ten feet behind him.  
"Saotome ambushed me with a lesser demon. But I have vanquished the villain and pillaged his  
spoils. No doubt he made countless innocents pay tribute to his dark master with carrots!"  
  
"I was hoping you'd get a rabbit or something Taro kun."  
  
"Feh! To eat such a creature as a rabbit! It is beneath me!" Kuno began to attempt to   
roast one of the carrots over the fire with a stick.  
  
Not to far away three musk warriors were running. "Hahahaha! Lord Herb will promote us to  
gennerals once he sees what we have!"  
  
"Unhand me at once you beasts! This means war!" a young voice shouted inside the bundle.  
Suddenly a white rabbit darted out in front of the musk warriors. They didn't know why but they  
felt they should stop for it.  
  
"Uhhhh..." The rabbit made an odd gesture with its head as if motioning for them to follow  
it.  
  
"Think we should?"  
  
"I don't see why not."  
  
Johnathan bit into a burn't carrot. "You never appreaciate fast food and mountain dew   
until its gone! Wow! More aliens! I didn't know so many aliens lived in China!" Behind Kuno  
stood a large hairy man and two guys with cat ears. "Wow! Are you a wookie?" Johnathan  
asked the large hairy man.  
  
Of course the musk warriors only understood Chinese and didn't understand a thing he   
said. The hairy man muttered something to the other two and they both laughed a bit.  
"You there ape man! I seek to train under master Yoda! Reveal his location to us at once."  
  
The hairy man said something in Chinese and laughed. He picked up a huge metal spiked  
club at his side. "Ummmm I know some Chinese. Let me se if I can translate."  
  
Johnathan said some stuff in Chinese to them. The hairy man looked taken aback, maybe  
even a little insulted. Both the cat people burst out laughing and pointing at him. "What   
did you say to them young hoobit?"  
  
"I just asked where we were."  
  
What Johnathan really said translated to this "Your mother chases her tail. I like how  
you smell like a woman. May I rub this fish oil on your butt?" The hairy man screamed in rage  
and raised his club. Kuno readied in defense but there was no need. Before any of them   
could react Haruko slammed her bass guitar down on the hairy mans head. He fell down out  
cold. The other two tried to run away but she smashed them on the head too. Haruko examined  
their heads. "Awwww! This is no good! You guys are useless! I'm better off without a stupid  
Taro kun guide! I'm leaving you both here!"  
  
"Wait! Please don't go Ms Kryptonian! I don't want to be lost in China!" Johnathan said  
all panicky. But before he could say anymore a kid forced his way out of the bundle. He looked  
to be about twelve. Haruko looked at him and said "Hmmmmm" she grined evilly.  
  
It had only been a few years since Saffrons rebirth but because he was part god he grew   
extra fast. In fact the time nearing for him to go to jusynkyo to transform yet again. But   
before that could happen he and Kimma had been intercepted by those bastards on the way there.  
He wondered what happened to Kiima. The last he saw her she had fallen into cold water and  
changed into her human form. The surpurior running speed of his captors made it impossible  
for her to catch up. But before he could wonder anymore he felt his head connecting with  
a blunt object moving at very high speeds. "YOOOOWWWW!" Saffron clutched his head in pain.  
"What the hell did you hit me for!?!" Saffron shouted at them in Japanese.  
  
"I needed your head." Haruko walked over and began shaking him uside down. "Why won't  
the stupid thing come out?"  
  
"Put me down you maniac! When Kiima gets back you'll be sorry!" Haruko tossed  
Saffron aside.  
  
"Just a useless kid! It won't come out!"  
  
Saffron got up "I'm not a kid. I'm the king of the phoenix tribe!"  
  
"Your a kid, and a whiney one at that!" Saffron balled up his fists.  
  
"Stupid woman!"  
  
"Never mind the antics of the guitar waving bunny girl. She is a creature of mystery  
and hostility. Young ones such as yourself should not associate with her. Now reveal to me  
the location of master Yoda at once!"  
  
Saffron looked at Kuno with a look of annoyance on his face. "I'm not a kid! I'm older  
then you!"  
  
"Hahaha! Ahhh youth! I to remember those days."  
  
"Don't you patronize me you imbicile!" Saffron kicked Kuno in the shin and ran.  
  
"Insolent welp! I shall chastize you!" Haruko bashed Kuno over the head.  
  
"Leave it."  
  
"But if I spare the golf club the child shall surely be spoiled!"  
  
"Look!" a small bump was appearing on Saffrons head.  
  
"What of it?"  
  
"Nothing. What's your name kid?"  
  
"I'm lord Saffron of the Phoenix tribe."  
  
"Ok from now on your ummmm...Saffy kun!"  
  
"Saffy.....?" a vain had formed on his fore head not to far away from the bump. "Just you  
wait until I transform. Then you people will show me some respect."  
  
"Your heads not as good as I hoped. But it is better then these two." Haruko put a hand   
on his shoulder and smiled. Saffron didn't know what she meant but he felt a little embarrassed   
and blushed slightly.  
  
"Uh thanks... I think."  
  
"Don't mention it. Lets go help these idiots find that yoda person."  
  
They were an unlikely bunch. Kuno looked around, yes they were the new fellowship of  
the ring! Each of them representing one of the current races of earth. The hanyou, the hobbit  
, the alien and whatever the hell that winged brat was. "Wait! We have no humans in our group!  
The fellowship is incomplete!"  
  
"What are you rambling about Taro kun? I thought you were human!"  
  
"Nay! I am an accursed hanyou! We must get a human representative to complete the   
fellowship!"  
  
"He's right. I thought I was human but I'm a hobbit."  
  
Unknown to them they were being watched by a white rabbit. It glared at the back side  
of Tatewaki Kuno the Blue thunder of Furinken high with pure unrestrained hatred. He would pay  
for defiling his sacred stash of carrots. The new fellowship of the ring had made its first  
encounter with one of its greatest foes. 


	12. Master Yoda! I would train with you!

Kuno vs the foul sorcerors  
Ep 12: Master Yoda! I would train with you!  
  
  
Nabiki sat at a table in a beefbowl stand with her five new companions. She looked about  
uneasily. "So how's fem boy been doing?" asked Taro casually.  
  
"Oh Ranma? Well he was framed for attempted murder by those guys your after but other   
that he's fine I guess. He eloped with Akane."  
  
"How romantic remarked Yomiko beaming."  
  
"How do you do that thing with the paper?"  
  
"It's magic." Yomiko took her napkin and it became stiff and rigid. She sliced her cup in  
half with it.  
  
"You know your going to have to pay for that." said the manager who walked by.  
  
"Sorry! I was just showing her my power! By the way I'm Yomiko Readman. My code name is  
the paper! I'm not sure if any of them of code names. I think he's called the astrologer."  
  
"That's Admonisher you dorky chick! Call me that again and I'll give you a repramanding!"  
  
"I'm sorry! But please don't call me dorky either."  
  
"Why not? Yer one of the dorkiest chicks I ever saw! HAHA!"  
  
"Just because she isn't some kind of bimbo with fake boobs doesn't make her dorky" said  
Faith who had been getting kind of pissed off with the man since the moment she met him.  
  
"What? You got a problem with me? I think I might have to give you a firm talking too,  
little lady."  
  
"And another thing! Why do you always say stuff like that?"  
  
"Before I flunked out of high school all the teachers talked to me like that. It was  
humiliating. I want my enemys to know the humiliation of every student who ever got detention  
before I send them straight to hell!"  
  
"I'm quite a delinquent myself. You think you have what it takes to repramand me?" asked  
Faith.  
  
"Heh! Try me! I'll slap a suspension on your ass!"  
  
They both stood looking at each other and the tension seemed to build a bit. Yomiko looked  
worried and Pantywhose just ate his beef bowl like nothing was happening. Then with out warning  
Faith gave Admonisher a round house to the face. He dropped and tried to swipe her feet from  
under her. Admonsher whipped out two guns and Faith whipped out a sharp knife. His guns were  
pressed against her head while her knife was on his throat. "Want to see which one of us  
is faster?"  
  
"Sure thing!"  
  
"If you two don't knock it off I'll kick both your asses! Both of you are a couple of  
idiots who talk big. But this dorky chick as you call her managed to do what none of us was  
able to do." said Pantywhose.  
  
"Oh? You want a repramanding too? I've been meaning to ask what's with the underwear  
tied around yer waste? Some kind of a pervert thing?"  
  
"As much as I hate to agree with this idiot, that is kind of strange. You got some kind  
of underwear obsession?" asked Faith.  
  
"I wear this as a reminder of my burden."  
  
"The burden of underwear?" asked Admonisher who seemed to be trying very hard to keep  
himself from laughing. Suddenly both of them dropped their weapons and burst out laughing.  
  
"Oh that's it! You two are going down!" A moment later Admonisher and Faith both   
crashed through the front window of the beef bowl restraunt.  
  
Riley just came out of the bathroom when he saw a fuming Pantywhose looking out at the  
crumpled Admonsher and Faith. "What happened here?"  
  
"Those two made fun of me!"  
  
"Damn it! Can't I leave you people alone for even one moment?"  
  
"Apparantly not." Nabiki remarked dryly.  
  
In China  
  
"So you do not know the whereabouts of Master Yoda?" Kuno asked Saffron.  
  
"I told you. I'm royalty so I hardly get to travel. So I'm about the worst person you  
could ask." Saffron rubbed the bump that was sticking out several inches from his head. Was it  
just his imagination or was the bump getting squarish?  
  
They came upon a clearing full of hundreds of springs. There were bamboo poles sticking  
out of all of them. Haruko looked around and said "Something doesn't seem quite right here."  
  
"Feh! The blue thunder fears nothing! We must go on even if we must face a balrogg demon  
or worse!"  
  
"Wow! That's so cool!" remarked Johnathan.  
  
Nearby a big blue creature with wings which bore a resemblance to a gorrila was following  
a white rabbit. "You sure they came this way?" the rabbit nodded its head.  
  
A chinese guy ran out to them before they could proceed through the area. "Stop! Not go  
any further before listen! It very bad if you fall in spring! Is curse!" he said.  
  
"A curse you say? No doubt a trap laid by Saotome. Very well, I shall procede with   
caution!" But before they could go any further a big blue winged creature stood before them.  
  
"I am Barogezigis! I am a warrior of the order of Toraka! I am indepted to you for giving  
me something to do after so many millenia of boredom." He removed a huge gleaming sword  
from between his wings. Kuno drew his golf club. "I do hope you put up a good fight."  
  
"A balrogg! I never dreampt I would see a day when I would face one of your kind. I  
shall not let you pass!"   
  
"No see you have it all wrong. I'm the one who isn't letting you pass."  
  
"Oh. Well that's different then." the creature struck with its huge sword. Kuno parried  
with the golf club. His feet sunk into the earth from the force of the blow. Kuno knocked the  
sword aside and used his multistrike on the creature. Hundreds of golf club sized holes   
appeared on its body.  
  
"Ha! A pitiful attack like that won't kill me!" each one of the holes filled back up   
with flesh.  
  
"Haru san! Are you going to help him?" asked Saffron.  
  
"Naw. I'm to lazy. Maybe next time."  
  
"Shit! This really was a trap! If I don't do something that creature might actually  
kill him. I can't let that happen. If we fail Saotome will conquer the world and ressurect  
Sauron." The big blue creature knocked Kuno down and began jumping up and down on top of him  
driving him into the ground. Johnathan ran in the bushes.  
  
"Hahaha! Stupid human! your tough but eventually you won't be anything but mush in my  
toes!"  
  
"Stop right there! I'm sailor moon! and in the name of the moon! I will punish you!"  
  
"You've got to be kidding me!" Haruko said looking over at the fake Sailor moon with  
scrutinizing eyes. She almost lost her composure under Harukos gaze but managed to recover  
just in time.  
  
"Ummmm....Yes! In the name of the moon and justice and good things I shall punish you!"  
  
"Oh really! You look pretty tasty to me!" the monster began to lick his fangs and walk  
towards her. She began waving her wand and chanting something. Right before the monster could  
strike it vanished. It reapeared next to Haruko and Saffron except now it had turned to wood!  
  
"That was too close!" the fake Sailor Moon wiped some sweat from her brow. The white   
rabbit sat atop a cliff side observing this. He scowled,next time he wouldn't rely on others  
to get the job done. Even though he was a rabbit who had no real fingers to speak of he managed  
to stick out his index finger. He touched it to a rock which exploded. This made a chain  
reaction sending a large boulder rolling down the cliff side. Kuno began to emerge from the   
crater his body had been flattened in, then he was smashed back in by the boulder. The boulder  
came barreling right towards Johnathan who dove out of the way landing in one of the springs.  
It didn't stop there though. It was about to crash into Haruko but before it could she pulled  
out her guitar and in one fluid motion smacked the boulder. The huge rock soared through the  
air until it was nothing more then a dot in the sky.  
  
"Amazing!" remarked Saffron. Just who was this woman? In all his immortal life he had  
never met anyone quite like her.  
  
"It's all in the wrist."   
  
Johnathan emerged from the pool "Oh man! I'm all wet!" Johnathan decided he should find  
some place to change back to his origenal form to avoid getting kissed by Kuno again.  
  
"Oh! You very lucky miss! You fall in spring of drown young girl! Since you already  
young girl nothing happen!"  
  
"Spring of what?" she asked a bit bewildered.  
  
"It water curse that change you into something. Only reverse with hot water. But you no  
affected so no worry."  
  
"Whatever." she walked off into the bushes.  
  
Kuno dug himself out of the ground and said "Insidious Balrogg! You may strike me a  
hundred times but I fight on!" Kuno walked over to the petrified demon and chopped it in  
half. "By the gods! I had no idea balroggs were made of wood!"  
  
"Listen. This is fun & all but I think we should get going. That Yoda person is probably  
in the next village." said Haruko.  
  
"How would you know such a thing?"  
  
"My senses are much sharper then you people. I can sense someone very adept for a human   
in the next village."  
  
"Why didn't you say so earlier wench?"  
  
"Didn't seem important."  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAH! I can't change back!" a girls scream came from the bushes.  
  
"That sounded like Sailor Moon! Never fear! The Blue Thunder shall protect you!"  
Kuno bounded off into the bushes. Sailor Moon was muttering something and waving her  
sceptor but nothing happened. "Oh Sailor moon! What has so distressed you!" Kuno glomped  
her.  
  
"Stop! I need to fix this!" she cast a barrier between her and Kuno. "That's right. He   
said hot water." she remembered back to the pig in Nerima that was cursed by Ranma. "This was  
his trap! I'll make him pay for this!" She walked off to go get some how water. The barrier   
dissapated and Kuno fell on his face.   
  
A moment later Kuno heard her scream again. "Sailor Moon!" he came upon her crying by  
a hot kettle. "What is wrong?" he asked embracing her. Apparantly the mixing of the two  
magics from Johnathans spell and the curse had made the change permanant.  
  
"I....I got cursed by Ranmas trap!"  
  
"No! This cannot be! I shall make him pay a hundred fold for doing such a thing! What is  
the nature of this curse?"  
  
She thought for a moment. If she told him exactly what it was he would know he kissed a  
guy. He'd proabably be pretty mad. Better to dodge the question. "It's...It's an accursed   
curse!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOO! That's horrible! But fear not! you must live on! I alone shall  
avenge your plight! I assure you he will pay in full!"  
  
"I'll help you!" said Johnathan. Before Johnathan would have been too scared to do   
anything more then give Kuno the occaisional helping hand but this time it was personal.  
  
"You are indeed brave. But the foul sorceror has ensnared nearly every woman he has met  
in the past. Were you to meet him you too may fall to his clutches."  
  
"I won't!"  
  
"Oh Sailor Moon! You are truly noble! If I did not already have two loves I would   
gladly-"  
  
"Hoy Taro kun! What's up? Who's your freind?" Haruko asked.  
  
"You will addresse me as Blue Thunder or sempai! This is my ally in the fight against  
evil, Sailor Moon!"  
  
"Oh really?" Haruko walked over and started looking very closely at her head. "Hehehe.."  
  
"W-what are you doing?"  
  
"Nothing..." Haruko said grinning in the sort of way that suggested she was doing  
something. "Say.... where ever did chibi Taro kun the hobbit go eh?" Haruko said playfully.  
  
"Your right! When we were attacked by the balrogg he dissapeared! He has the one ring!  
No doubt the villain used the balrogg as a decoy to steal it."  
  
"Uhhhh... the ring is here. I thought it would be safer if I had it then Johnathan.  
I sent him home after he gave it to me."  
  
"Sailor moon! To take on such a burden! How noble!" tears were streaming down his face.  
"A kiss as your reward!"  
  
"Uhhh..." before Kuno could get any closer Haruko bashed them both over the head.   
  
"No more dirty stuff. Time to go!"  
  
"What wench? Would you suggest that my love is anything but pure and noble!?!"  
  
"You said you had two girls already and your kissing her."  
  
"This was not a kiss of commitment I was giving her but a kiss of reward. A dream to all  
right minded women! But a wench such as you could never understand as much!" Haruko smashed  
her guitar into his head sending him flying.  
  
"That was close. I almost got kissed again."  
  
"Don't think I saved you because I like you chibi Taro kun. I'm just feeling too   
impatient for that sort of thing today."  
  
"H-how do you know? You won't tell anyone?"  
  
"Maybe, maybe not!"  
  
"Hey this is serious!" the fake sailor moon whined. Haruko just giggled while Saffron  
gave them both confused looks.  
  
later  
  
"Insolent wench!"  
  
"Taro kun is grumpy!" Haruko said cheerfully.   
  
They were getting closer to a the village Haruko was talking about. Johnathan hoped they  
could find a way to reverse her condition there. Although Johnathan admitted there were   
certain things she liked about this form she didn't want to have to sit to go to the bathroom  
for the rest of her life. And also she had never had sex as a guy. She wanted to find out what  
that was like before she had sex as a girl. But Johnathan had to admit there may be no way to  
reverse this. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" she cried in the exact same way the real sailor moon   
would. Kuno tried to comfort her but she just started to cry more.  
  
"Cry not! I swear to the setting sun I shall find a way to vanquish your accursed curse!"  
  
"Really?" she asked with tears in her eyes.  
  
"Of course. A mere curse means nothing to my prowess!" Kuno moved in to try to kiss her  
as she tried to back away but before that could happen even Kuno noticed about twenty eyes  
watching them. They were surrounded by ten powerful looking Chinese female warriors.  
"Does privacy mean nothing to you people?" Kuno said annoyed that his kiss had been   
interrupted twice.  
  
Johnathan sighed in releif. She had been saved twice now. However from the looks of things  
she may have fallen out of the frying pan and into the fire. "Uhhhhh.... Who are you people."  
she attempted to say in Chinese. What she really said was "Your mother ate my shoes!"  
  
All the amazons drew theyre weapons. One of them pointed at Saffron and said something.  
the others turned their attention. "Oh yeah. You know the phoenix tribe really isn't on good  
terms with the amazons. If they recognize me, we'll probably be executed." said Saffron.  
  
"Executed! I'm going to die a girl and a virgin?!"  
  
"Feh! Fear not! For the blue thunder is excellent with the ladies. Ahem! Attention! I  
am Tatewaki Kuno, no doubt you have heard of me. I am known as the blue thunder of Furinken  
high. No doubt you have your greivances with the guitar swinging bunny girl and bird boy,  
however we are on a mission of mercy and justice! The dark lord is rising again. If we  
fail in our mission the world shall be covered in darkness. So if you would let us pass I shall  
happily distribute signed autographs to you all. No doubt you will want to have a momento of   
this experience to share with your children." the amazons started to close in pointing their   
weapons.  
  
"Oh man! His jedi mind tricks didn't work! We just walked into a village of female jedi!"  
  
"Get out of my way you bimbos." Haruko said. They didn't understand her but they all   
backed away. All their battle instincts were telling the Amazons they couldn't win in a fight  
against Haruko and they may not be in any condition to administer the kiss of death afterwards  
either. Saffron looked at the Amazons and at Haruko. They were scared of her. This was amazing.  
  
"Stop! Do not attack them!" came an old voice. Cologne pogoed foreward. "The phoenix king!  
What are you doing here? And you! Your the idiot ex son in law was always fighting. I don't  
recognize you two though. Especially you." Cologne fixed her gaze on Haruko. The pink haired  
girl looked back at the old woman with her piercing yellow eyes. What is she, her power feels  
inhuman.  
  
"I'm Sailor Moon and this is Haruko. It's an honor to meet you master Yoda!"  
  
Immediatly Kuno kneeled and said "Master Yoda! I would train with you!"  
  
"Y-Yoda?!?" When Cologne was in Japan she had seen star wars and knew who the   
character was. "And why am I yoda?" she said with here eye twitching.  
  
"The blue thunder is never mistaken! You are master yoda! I must train to defeat the  
sorceror! Master Yoda! I would train with you!"  
  
"I don't think so." Cologne twirled her staff sending Kuno flying.  
  
"Wow! Yoda really is a master of the force!" said Johnathan. "Master Yoda. I sort of have  
a little problem." she bent over and wispered in Colognes ear.  
  
"Unfortunatly there's no cure for the spring curse. There used to be a spring of drown  
man but when the springs flooded thanks to your young freind there, that particular spring  
was lost." johnathan glared at Saffron.   
  
"What? I got a little carried away when I transformed. I could happen to anyone."  
  
"And in any case I have never heard of a foreign magic mixing with the spring curse. Even  
I can't say what would happen."  
  
"Master Yoda learned how to speak much more fluently since the movies."  
  
"I'm not Yoda!" Cologne sent Johnathan flying as well.  
  
An excerpt from Johnathans travelling in China diary  
  
"Hi my name is Johnathan. Although currently it happens to be Sailor Moon. If you told  
me a couple years ago I would grow up to be Sailor Moon I wouldn't have believed you but I  
guess this just goes to show you that you can never tell just who you will be when you grow up.  
Right now I'm staying in some kind of village full of female Jedi. I told Kuno a few days ago  
that Yoda always trys to fool his students into thinking he's someone else at first like he  
did with Luke in Empire strikes back. So Kuno has persistantly been asking to be trained.  
Yoda has a much bigger temper then in the movies. He's been tossing Kuno all over the place  
and blowing him up. But he always comes back for more. Sooner or later Yoda will cave in and  
train him. All the jedi are scared of Haruko. I guess even they wouldn't want to mess with  
a kryptonian. Just as persistantly as he asks for training Kuno trys to kiss me. Something  
always happens to prevent him and save me but I don't know how much longer I can avoid his  
face. I guess in the real world Jedi are more vulnerable to emotions then Lucas portrayed  
them in the movies. It felt weird staying a girl for the first few days but I think I'm   
getting used to it. The village has mostly women in it and they even have some public  
bathing springs but I'm too embarrassed to go to them. This is a problem because I've been  
wearing this Sailor Fuku for the past few days. First few times I wore it, it was an   
interesting experience but the novelty wore off pretty quickly after the first day of my change.  
Saffrons been tagging along Haruko alot lately. I think he's scared of the jedi. He used to  
be an enemy of theirs. It's hard to believe such a young kid was a siff lord. He doesn't seem  
all that powerful now though."  
  
  
  
  
" Say, how's about we go to the hot springs together." Said Haruko reading over Johnathans  
shoulder.  
  
"B-but!" Johnathan blushed.  
  
"It's nothing you haven't seen before. Besides your starting to stink. All these people  
are scared of me so they won't bother you."  
  
Next morning  
  
Cologne was just starting to get up when someone pulled her out of bed and shouted into  
her sleepy ear with a booming voice "Master Yoda! I would train with you!"  
  
"All right! All right! I give up! I'll train you! But there will be a price!"  
  
"No price is to high for the sake of justice! I shall move both heaven and earth   
if need be!"  
  
"We'll see." said Cologne. To herself she thought of ways she would make this idiot suffer  
for pestering her.  
  
Cologne lead Kuno to a hut on the outskirts of the village. A girl with pointy ears was   
practising some sort of Chinese martial art in her yard. Her hair had some brownish orange   
patches in it. "This is Zig. She was a child of the musk dynasty we took in when she was   
abandoned as a child. She is part wolverine and is a bezerker warrior in combat. Any man  
brave enough to challenge her has met his end at her claws. I want you to promise me  
that if you succeed in the training you will challenge her." Cologne could never fathom  
the nonsensical musk names. Why would anyone name their kid Zig? If there was one thing  
she prided in her tribe it was their ability to come up with good names.  
  
"No challenege is too great! I shall vanquish the beastwoman and save your village."   
Kuno seemed to misunderstand the reason for the challenge. But Cologne wasn't about to tell  
him otherwise it would just make things more interesting. Zig walked up to Kuno cheerfully  
and said something in Chinese. "Hmmmm she seems very freindly for a fierce beast woman."  
  
"Trust me it's just a trick. Leave her for now. We have much to do."  
  
"Yes Master Yoda!" Cologne sighed in exasperation. How she would make him suffer for this.  
  
They came to a clearing."I want you to fight me now without holding back. This way I can  
accuratly tell what things I should teach you." Kuno attacked using his usual moves. Cologne  
easily dodged them all and then pounded him into the ground. "You are very skilled with the  
sword. As skilled as some of our better warriors in fact. Not anywhere near ex son in laws level  
but it will be something to work with." she pulled his face out of the ground. "Now you'll   
never master any secret techniques if you stick your head in the sand."  
  
"Mmmmmppphh" Kuno spat the dirt out of his mouth.  
  
"Earlier you breifly mentioned the phoenix sword technique. You said you used it once."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"That would be one of the easier things I was considering teaching you. Mastering that  
technique is quite easy. Tell me what were you feeling when you used it?"  
  
"I was infuriated at the sorcerors audacity!"  
  
"I see. Just focus on those emotions and try to use it. Every time you fail to manifest  
the phoenix sword I'll do something painful to you so do try to get it right. Afterall,  
to use ki attacks all you need is the right state of mind."  
  
Kuno closed his eyes "Hmmm... I must imagine the sorceror taking the pigtailed girl. Oh  
pig tailed girl how I miss you so! I wish I could..." Kuno slashed and what looked like a pink  
cloud of fluff came out of his sword.  
  
"Wrong!" Cologne tossed a huge boulder on top of him.  
  
back in the village  
  
Saffron was blushing. He had been meaning to ask Haruko a question for awhile now. "Haru  
san. I admit that when I first met you, I hated you. But I feel kind of differnt now. You  
saved me a couple times and your attractive."  
  
"HeeHee! Is Saffy kun trying to tell me something?" Haruko giggled.  
  
"Hey! This isn't funny!" the little winged boy yelled. "I think I like you. Not only do  
I like you but I've seen for myself that your more then capable of weilding enough power to  
gain my peoples approval to be my queen."  
  
"Sorry. But there's someone else I love. Besides your just a kid."  
  
"I'm not a kid! I've lived for thousands of years! Do you know who your talking too?  
I'm a fire god! What could your lover have that I couldn't offer! After I transform I'll be  
the most powerful being on the planet! And I won't look like a kid either so....so then I can  
prove myself to you!" Saffrons eyes were beginging to tear up. He was too proud to let this  
happen and sniffed them back.  
  
"I think you might be surprised Saffy kun. There are things about me you don't know."  
  
"At least tell me his name!"  
  
"Ok. His name is Atomisk. He's the reason I came to this world. It'd never work out  
between us. Your still a kid afterall, even if you think your a god." Saffron began to  
run away crying but he didn't get very far. There was suddenly a splitting pain on his head.  
The little bump which had been steadily growing since Haruko first bashed him suddenly  
grew several times larger and didn't stop. The metallic arm band with a metal link on  
Harukos wrist began to vibrate. "It's starting!"  
  
At the same time back in Japan an arc of lightning jumped between the two towers of  
Nerima and St Baccas. Anyone within the area of the two schools was so out of it from  
the pacificity devices they barely took notice. "It's starting" said Warren who was sitting  
next to a weird gizmo with some kind of a strange antenna connected to a cylander. 


End file.
